funny review by J. Whitney "Jerk/Musician/Okkultizt" in Clothing, 2014-11-30
New Men's 3 Piece Black Gangster Pinstripe Dress Suit with Matching Vest When I put on this suit and went to work, Neil Patrick Harris popped up out of man-hole on the street and high-fived me for my fashion sense. Sherri from accounting actually noticed me after four years, and approached me to take her out. I obliged, and we had a great time. On the date some hoodlums from the west side tried to front and cat call at her. With the confidence afforded to me by this excellent suit, I was able to defenestrate one of the hoodlums through the Dave and Busters window, and proceeded to play Ski Ball with Sherri. After that we saw an IMAX showing of The Hobbit. When she tried to make out with me I pushed her face away and told her I was busy watching Gloin throw the plates while singing about what Bilbo Baggins hates. After watching Richard Armitage's stellar performance of Thorin, Sherri... more
Experimenting with Babies: 50 Amazing Science Projects You Can Perform on Your Kid Book emphasizes cognitive and behavioral tests that are performed non invasively. There is no information about surgical experiments intended to transform the baby into a post technological horrorbeast capable of dominating the globe. Perhaps this gap will be addressed by a sequel. In any case, this is acceptable if you recognize the inherent limitations of the content. more
hilarious review by Austin Beaumont "Runabout Society Man" in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-04-27
Mad Dog 357 Ghost Pepper Hot Sauce
Hot? No. Getting into a black car in Southern California in the middle of summer is hot. A Starbucks Venti Latte is hot. A steam sauna is hot.
This is a hospital trip short of simultaneously gargling with lye while grilling your lips on a cast-iron Weber barbeque. A full twenty minutes after I had taken less than 1/4" of a pretzel stick coated in this satanic baby batter, my tongue was searing with a rabid and vicious intensity. The cup of hot drip coffee in my hand? Tried to put out the burn with it. Couldn't even FEEL the coffee touch my tongue.
A light smoky flavor? Are you kidding me? I couldn't taste anything for over an hour. If the sauce has any measurable flavor it is instantly destroyed by the brain-melting heat. There is no reason to ever buy this. Ever. What could you possibly do with it? Put a drop in a five-gallon pot of chili? Four pounds of taco meat?... more
witty review by Dark Ninja in Music, 2014-04-26
Be a Man There is no way you will ever get closer to the utopia you experience when you listen to this outstanding album. I hope for the sake of every being in the universe that we will see many, many more Macho Man albums in the future. When I first caught a glance of this CD at Walmart, I turned and fell to my knees while time literally stopped. Once I regained consciousness I quickly filled a crate with the album and handed the cashier a flying elbow drop! When I placed the CD onto the tray of my stereo system, I knew at once that my life had culminated to that point, my purpose was to witness the sick, wicked, and nasty beats that were about to pulsate through the earth itself and energize my very life force. When the tray recalled itself back into the stereo console, it was as though the final puzzle piece of human existence had been put into place. Rainbows began to pour inexplicably out of the speakers and onto my terrace. The windows flew open and The Macho Man himself floated in on... more
funny review by HanSolo in Toys & Games, 2014-04-25
LEGO Star Wars Millennium Falcon 7965 Boy, can I tell you what a disappointment this thing is. First off, it's tiny, I could never fit in it, much less my Wookie copilot. You see, my Wookie friend and I were looking for a replacement; our old ship has had some problems. When he saw how small this ship is, he almost tore my arms off. I make my living off of smuggling goods for my boss in the Hutt Cartel. I could never smuggle anything in that! There is no way this thing could outrun an Imperial Star Destroyer. It couldn't even make the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsecs like my old ship can. I won't even try lightspeed in this joke of a ship. If you make your living for being fast, keep looking. more
fun review by Scott R. in Electronics, 2014-04-24
AudioQuest Carbon 12.0 meters White HDMI Cable PVC Jacket When I needed a cable to connect my flux capacitor to my time circuits/plasma screen TV, I looked no further than the AudioQuest Carbon 12.0M White HDMI Cable PVC Jacket. The PVC happens to be the perfect shield for chronoton particles, which is essential for the protection of sensitive electronics in a class IV time machine. The white color blends in perfectly to ice age scenery. And it's made of some kind of carbon which grows on trees, but tree branches aren't HDMI cables. Trust me, you don't want to be stuck in the distant past waiting for the AudioQuest Carbon 12.0M White HDMI Cable PVC Jacket to be invented. So always grab a spare! more
amusing review by R in Electronics, 2014-04-23
AudioQuest Carbon 12.0 meters White HDMI Cable PVC Jacket
I don't know why the spec leaves this out, but this amazing cable can teleport living things over the internet. All you need are two identical internet-enabled HDMI televisions, two of these cables, and a webcam.
Of course to buy this you may need to sell the family car. It doesn't matter, you won't need it anymore anyway. In fact with the money left over after purchasing this cable, you could probably still buy a month of unlimited internet access. more
clever review by remembertobreathe in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-04-19
I love the way my manatee looks; I love the very concept, and I love the way she perches on the rim of my teacup, with her loose tea-laden nether regions soaking in the hot water, infusing the teacup with...well, with very little actual tea.
The holes in her silicon trunk are just not holey enough to allow for proper circulation. The only thing that comes close to the disappointed look on my face when I sip what I am hoping will be a freshly brewed cuppa, and taste instead a week mug of almost-nothing (hey, did I mistakenly order the homeopathic tea?), is the forlorn expression on the manatea... more
funny review by Thomas Huth in Toys & Games, 2014-04-18
Raskulls 3-D Helmet with Shock Absorbing EPS Inner Shell, in Puppy
This helmet is awesome, it looks styling and my kids love wearing it... a little too much I might add, to the point I've gotten calls from the special education center at their elementary school questioning if they needed help.
But that's not my main gripe with this. I'm jealous of that little bastard wearing that helmet, I want one myself, do these come in adult sizes? more
fun review by Mark McElroy "www-madebymark-com" in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-04-17
Dr. McDougall's Right Foods Vegan Pad Thai Noodle Soup, Fresh Flavor, 2-Ounce Cups (Pack of 6)
I cannot recommend Dr. McDougall's Pad Thai Noodle Soup. If it doesn't look like pad thai or taste like pad thai, it's probably a good idea to call it something besides pad thai. A few broken rice noodles in the bottom of a cup of dehydrated broth does not a pad thai make.
I had this for lunch today, and the other kids pointed and laughed at me. Thai people walked past my table, frowning and shaking their heads. Soup technicians from the Department of Soup issued my lunch a cease-and-desist order. President Obama stopped by my table, gave me a stern look, and said, "Mark, I thought we had made more progress... more
rofltastic review by Brian in Computers & Accessories, 2014-04-16
Intel Core i7-4770K Quad-Core Desktop Processor (3.5 GHz, 8 MB Cache, Intel HD graphics, BX80646I74770K) Haven't seen my son leave his room once he put it in his gaming machine. Starting to wonder what my son looks like. Wish I could give one to my boss at work and get the same effect. more
funny review by FedoraFan69 in Welcome, 2014-04-15
Beechfield Unisex Fedora Hat
The classic fedora is the ultimate symbol of class. Too many people dismiss this piece of cranial craftsmanship as a mere 'hat', to be worn by whomever so chooses. I have studied the art of wearing a Fedora for nearly a decade now. There is a certain technique to properly wear it, as I have learned over years of trial and error. There are many elements that ordinary folk would not understand, neither begin to comprehend. The perfect inclination of the head while mounting the Fedora, the optimal angle to fasten the Fedora to ones head so that wind resistance is kept to a minimum. The right brush is also an important part of any self respecting Fedora owner's decision. A felt brush is best for getting rid of any unwanted fibers from the surface of the Fedora, while a firmer, more vigorous bristled brush is the wiser choice for loosing any dirt that perhaps collected while having an encounter with any undesirables.
Last night I had a rendezvous with some of these so... more
fun review by The_Stout_One in Automotive, 2014-04-14
Camco 51811 Zero Gravity Recliner (Green Swirl Pattern) It may not be the flashiest thing on the market. It may not have quite the cushion in the front of the seat that you're looking for. Heck you might not even be able to shift where you want it without grinding a bit, but it'll get you where you need to go. more
hilarious review by Warren Wonka in Home & Kitchen, 2014-04-13
Mott's Original Apple Sauce - Case Pack 90 SKU-PAS678805
Outside, there was chaos. Bombs. Mortars. The sporadic albeit frenzied rattle of automatic gunfire. It was April 14, 2019. The Chinese had invaded. They had established the front-lines. The threat of war was no longer. The war was here. The war was now.
I was assigned to 2nd Marine Division, 2nd Reconnaissance Battalion, Alpha Company, 1st Platoon. We were stationed in Queens New York. We had been hit hard, forced to fight with no resupply. That day, my barrack was the basement of an old three-story tenement that smelled of guacamole and cat urine. My weapon was a Remington 870, previously used to target Northeastern Mallards while tucked away in the cozy duck-blinds outside my family's cabin near Sandwich, New Hampshire. But that was another day, another year, another lifetime.
We were warriors. Having spent the last three weeks successfully defending an armory in Flushing, our unit was all but spent. What we needed was... more
witty review by Stranger "Man of the People" in Toys & Games, 2014-04-12
Aerobie Epic Golf Disc (Color May Vary)
I never thought I'd be here quivering, burrowed in the blackest crevice of my dwelling, frazzling with fright and scribbling this review. "The Aerobie Epic is just a myth," I'd heard from various voices before. But according to believers' claims, this disc could soar through time and space with the ravishing finesse of a raving gypsy's hips. Cautious whispers on the course warned of saucers spewing forth dark magic vortexes within the violent whirlwinds of a vicious "thumber" drive. I scoffed at such fanciful tales of plastic acrobatics and occultist wind sails. Superstitions cannot persuade me; I am a man of science, you see! But the same unyielding curiosity that brought you to this page led me to purchase one and see, just in case.
Thirty-seven suns have since succumbed to the horizon. My perception of this universe, and all the laws that make it one, has transformed irreversibly, I fear to say. The only scientific explanation for the flight... more
funny review by The_Stout_One in Electronics, 2014-03-22
AmazonBasics 8-Sheet Strip-Cut Paper/CD/Credit Card Shredder It is compact, simple, and marvelous. This glorious piece of machinery has been giving me peace of mind since I plugged it in nearly a year ago. Every day I can find a new piece of shady junk mail, maxed out credit card, or CD full of incriminating evidence to throw into this bad boy, and without fail, it always replies in its mechanical grind, "Don't worry, NO ONE WILL KNOW OUR TERRIBLE SECRET." more
fun review by Ryan Scott Warren in Office Products, 2014-03-11
Pilot G2 Retractable Premium Gel Ink Roller Ball Pens, Fine Point, Blue Ink, Dozen Box (31021) The cure for cancer will undoubtedly be mapped out using this pen. It can and will double as a blow-gun should you ever find yourself in a Berlin back-alley without one. It is lighter than helium and can run a 4.2 40. It has a well adjusted sense of self and can write haikus without sounding out the number of syllables on its fingers. The rubber of this pen is made at processing plants with a 'zero' eco-footprint. If this pen were human, Alana De La Garza would be his girlfriend and Dos Equis would have to stop running those ads about that lesser man. The designer of this pen retired the second after he designed it having simultaneously reached his career pinnacle and achieved individual enlightenment at the exact same instant. If this pen ran Facebook, there would be no more design updates and it's daily Twitter posts would be original, ironic and hilarious. If I were stranded on an island and could only take two... more
amusing review by Brian Spatz in Office Products, 2014-03-08
Creative Arts by Charles Leonard Glitter, 16 oz. (1 Lb.) Bottle, Multi-Color (41100)
So I wake up in the middle of the night in my 2 bedroom apartment. I find me roommate passed out face down on the wooden floor. I think nothing of it and go back to sleep. The next morning I wake up to go to work and there is a homeless guy asleep on my couch. My roommate woke up still drunk and had made friends with a bum. And this is the second time he let a stranger off the street just stroll in and pass out. Great.
You are probably thinking what does this have to do with my arts and crafting.
Well I bought this product and proceeded to cover everything my roommate owns in glitter. Every T shirt, every book, ever pair of shoes, his bed... I covered his entire life in glitter. He will have glitter in every crevice of... more
clever review by Gary L. Wright in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-03-07
Red Dragon VT 3-30 C 500,000 BTU Heavy Duty Propane Vapor Torch Kit I bought this thing while I was camping. Our firewood was a bit damp and I was having trouble getting the campfire started. With this handy-dandy roaster, I had a bonfire within a minute or so. Then, I decided to use it on the weeds at home. The instructions warn against using the torch near conifers (like Evergreen-type shrubs, bushes, topiaries), so I stayed about 5 feet away from those. Well, this thing is hotter than the blazes of Hell and Damnation itself! I roasted a few of my bushes, but thankfully, they've started to come back. We just had a few inches of snow here in Chicago and I drove over it in the driveway. I ended up with icy patches of packed snow and figured I'd pull out Satan's air conditioner. Not only did it melt those ice patches faster than a hooker drops her panties, it melted a five foot section of snow (about 3 inches deep) in front of the nozzle. Well, after that, I just had to screw around with it. I cooked a frozen hot-dog in less than 30... more
funny review by George Mac in Home Improvement, 2014-03-06
Mayhew Select 41500 Tweaker Multi-Use Tool
I have a friend who lost his hand during a construction accident last summer. Well, he wasn't much of a friend...more of an aquaintence who would call you on the weekends and act like he knew you better than he did. Anyways, he lost his hand on my day off, so I only heard about the incident second-hand (no pun intended). Of course, it was weird for a couple weeks, but by the contractor's Christmas party that year, everyone thought it would be funny to buy him a gag gift, as is the tradition.
We decided to buy him the Mayhew 41500 TWEAKER, because it looks like a hand, and is also very handy (no pun intended.) Now, he actually uses it for a hand. He absolutely loves this unintended... more