METRICS?!

funny review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-03-05

Funny product Fairly Odd Novelties Glass Skull Decanter, 125ml Fairly Odd Novelties Glass Skull Decanter, 125ml I really don't understand metrics, so this was a little smaller than I imagined it would be. I'd say that it'd hold maybe two glasses worth of wine. Or one really big one. I could've researched all of this myself before purchasing it, but I didn't. I was living on the edge. Winging it on a dream and a prayer. I was willing to just throw money at any old thing that caught my eye, b/c it was CHRISTMAS, and it WASN'T FOR ME, and RENEGADES DON'T CARE ABOUT METRICS.

I looks just like the picture. Do you like the picture? If you hate the picture, then you probably shouldn't buy it, unless it's a gift, then do what you want.

Included with your purchase is a FREE CORK. The cork fits in the hole at the top. I haven't yet filled one of these...
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A very good screw for screwing good and fast

fun review by in Industrial & Scientific, 2014-03-04

Funny product Hex Lag Screws 18-8 Stainless Steel - 1/2" x 16" Qty-1,000 Hex Lag Screws 18-8 Stainless Steel - 1/2" x 16" Qty-1,000 I've been screwing now for about 55 years so I think I know a good screw -- and a bad one (do I ever!) -- when I see one. Sometimes you think you're going to get a good screw and whoops....something....just happens. Either the screw isn't deep enough or hard enough or you just run into something unknown and everything comes apart. And then YOU'RE screwed. These screws are the best I'd ever had and since I've got about 995 left I'll have a hard time getting through them all. But I'm eager..... more

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Best Book for the Common man

hilarious review by in Books, 2014-02-24

Funny product Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success Before I bought this book, my handshakes were weak and weary. Now, they are firm and muscular, with a hint of a non-slip grip. It's hard for me to imagine how I survived in the business world before. The only problem that I have now is that I occasionally squeeze a soda can too tightly, and get it everywhere. more

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FREE SHIPPING!

witty review by in Watches, 2014-02-23

Funny product Men's 18K Gold Rolex Yachtmaster II Model # 116688 Men's 18K Gold Rolex Yachtmaster II Model # 116688 I contemplated buying this watch for a couple of weeks and couldn't really make up my mind. I didn't have an issue selling my home or having my wife leave me for this watch but who can resist when the shipping is included. more

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Great for men with daughters

funny review by in Everything Else, 2014-02-22

Funny product Universal Law Enforcement Reverse Peephole Viewer (± 15° Viewing Angle) Universal Law Enforcement Reverse Peephole Viewer (± 15° Viewing Angle) I am a father of a very "loose" 15 year old girl and this product is a delight. I use this product all the time as she goes missing at least 3 times a week. Her mother & I go into seedy hotels in crack alley and use this to find which rooms she's holed up in. It works wonderfully unless she's in the bathroom. I haven't tried it yet but I'm sure this is also great for finding out which rooms people are partying in. You don't really want to just go random knocking as that's a good way to get shot. Just be aware if you buy this, you will get questioned at customs when bringing this back into the US. more

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Exactly what I wanted

fun review by in Jewelry, 2014-02-20

Funny product Tengwar Script Men's Ring Comfort Fit Black IP Stainless Steel Size 9 10 11 12 13 Tengwar Script Men's Ring Comfort Fit Black IP Stainless Steel Size 9 10 11 12 13 Lovely ring. Well made. I'm only giving it a 4, because it is a little uncomfortable. But my plans for world domination are now coming along quite nicely. The included power to command the wraiths has been very convenient. more

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I'm prepared are you?

amusing review by in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-19

Funny product Salt Himalayan Pink Gourmet FDA No Chemicals Non-gmo Organic Halall Kosher 2 Lbs Fine Grind (.5mm) (2 Pounds) Salt Himalayan Pink Gourmet FDA No Chemicals Non-gmo Organic Halall Kosher 2 Lbs Fine Grind (.5mm) (2 Pounds) this just tastes so much better than the stuff made by the evil scientists who have managed to make salt into something living only to kill and torture it, then genetically modify the DNA they put into it.
I heard that in some salts they even used STEM cell DNA from aborted fetuses, then modified that so that it only feels pain and excretes chemicals such as mercury and the stuff they put in chemtrails - you know, the stuff they use to control you into buying the evil GM stuff that will kill you slowly and painfully or whatever the hell chemtrails are meant to do to you.
I'm sure that buying this pink salt will ward off spirits and those lizard people that David Icke warned us about (lizards hate salt but not the salt that the evil scientists make - they also genetically modify it to be safe...
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300 decibels!

clever review by in Car Electronics, 2014-02-18

Funny product Koolertron CAR Amplifier Alarm 12v Pa Speaker System Mic 5 Sound New Koolertron CAR Amplifier Alarm 12v Pa Speaker System Mic 5 Sound New At 300db, this siren is loud enough to easily blow down houses 600 miles away*. Your friends will likely think that there is an earthquake, as the amount of sound energy will cause the ground to rise and fall approximately 13 feet, and measure 8.3** on the Richter scale. At 20x louder than the largest atomic bomb ever detonated, this is sure to grab the attention of your neighbours.

Be sure to connect to a good power supply, as this will draw 400 quintillion (400,000,000,000,000) watts at full power.

Much louder than the 200db siren I reviewed before. (That one only measured 1 on the richter scale)
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Get plenty!

funny review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-17

Funny product WHISKEY DICK LUBE WHISKEY DICK LUBE This stuff is the best! At first it seemed a little awkward on poker night to break this stuff out but once everyone started putting this stuff on we all loved it. Everybody was a glow with huge smiles as they lubed themselves up. Now we have started even taking this stuff along ice fishing and even hunting, at least at deer camp. I can't think of a better bonding experience. more

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Peeling fabulous now!!

fun review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-16

Funny product Banana Bunker (Color: Clear) Banana Bunker (Color: Clear) Seriously, me and my bros love to smash things and leave bruises. We blast bricks with our bare hands, drop kick pinatas, punish beer cans on our foreheads, and when we get lucky we smash some poon-tang in da club. Imagine a sexy wrecking ball dipped in Monster Energy drink and then lit on fire and hurled into outer space by the Greek God Zeus - well you guessed it, we're like that wrecking ball. But I think we've met our match with the Banana Bunker. Don't believe me? Ok, how could I make the following story up then?

So this dude in the park was eating a banana and making eye-contact with us! No, bro. So we walked over to him, flexed our pectorals and gave him a look, like we were gonna pound him down into little fruit cake delights. I told him, "not cool, bro, do that in private somewhere!" - so I grabbed his banana and SMASHED it! Turned that s*** into a puddle of bruised diarrhea. This fool just smiled and pointed to the other banana encased in...
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A Real Page Turner!!

rofltastic review by in Books, 2014-02-15

Funny product Basic Methods in Protein Purification and Analysis: A Laboratory Manual Basic Methods in Protein Purification and Analysis: A Laboratory Manual If you are looking for something to help you get to bed at night make sure you don't choose this book!!! It would keep you up all night, who knew Basic Methods in Protien Purification could be so much fun!!!! more

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I've given up on life

funny review by in Home & Kitchen, 2014-02-14

Funny product Forever Lazy ~ Adult "ONESIE" Loungewear ~ Size: XS/S in BLUE Forever Lazy ~ Adult "ONESIE" Loungewear ~ Size: XS/S in BLUE I have completely given up on life and was looking for a garment that fitted my new nihilistic outlook. These were perfect. more

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Really spiced up my night life

fun review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-13

Funny product Forever Lazy Soft Fleece Adult Lounge Wear L/XL Forever Lazy Soft Fleece Adult Lounge Wear L/XL Ever since my wife and I both started wearing the Forever Lazy jammies we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other because we both find adult footed pjs incredibly sexy.

The zip down backdoor flap really comes in handy when you want a fuzzy akward quickie.... just be careful for static electricity...... after a bout of vigorious lovemaking I nearly set the house on fire.
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It's a very nice crystal

hilarious review by in Industrial & Scientific, 2014-02-12

Funny product Bismuth Crystal Bismuth Crystal I'm not sure what somebody is supposed to do with a crystal of bismuth, but I was up way too late and ordered this online. When it came I thought, "hey, what a nice crystal!" If you're looking for a nice crystal, get this one. more

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Many housemaids and slaves dismissed.

witty review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-11

Funny product The Dipr the Ultimate Cookie Spoon (1, Red) The Dipr the Ultimate Cookie Spoon (1, Red) It was quite a horrifying summer. My days lounging by the sapphire embedded pool, or taking short jaunts on horseback were ever cut short by the somewhat unpleasant habit of consuming an Oreo cookie. Each afternoon, at 3:15, Augustus would promptly bring over a silver tray, upon which stood a neatly stacked pyramid of the famed cookie, along with a crystal tumbler of ice cold breast milk from one of the large mothers we kept for the purpose. I always hated having to remove my silk gloves and worse yet touching the milk and cookies so I could dunk them. After a while I had Augustus himself do the dunking, but he never could quite do it correctly given the surgical gloves I made him wear. Nor was I going to suffer the embarrassment of allowing him to place the cookie in my... more

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Better than banana slicers

funny review by in Office Products, 2014-02-08

Funny product 2014 Bubble Calendar- A Poster Sized Wall Calendar with a Bubble to Pop Everyday 2014 Bubble Calendar- A Poster Sized Wall Calendar with a Bubble to Pop Everyday Have you ever woken up and immediately wanted to destroy something? Of course you have. Nary a day goes by that causing a bit of destruction wouldn't make the rest of the day so much easier to handle. I've woken up and smashed alarm clocks with hammers. It got expensive even replacing the cheapest alarm clocks daily. I've broken a few eggs (and enjoyed the ensuing omelettes that came with it). I even crashed my car into some medians on the morning commute, but after three times, my insurance company told me they frown upon such behaviors.

Then came this. Every morning I wake up and hold in my rage long enough to amble over to the 2014 bubble calendar and start my day off my...
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They should have called this product... RECTUM WRECKER

fun review by in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-08

Funny product Kashi GOLEAN Crunch! Cereal, Honey Almond Flax, 14-Ounce Boxes (Pack of 4) Kashi GOLEAN Crunch! Cereal, Honey Almond Flax, 14-Ounce Boxes (Pack of 4) Don't get me wrong. The cereal has a nice taste and crunch but that's where the "goodness" ends. Go Lean Crunch is nothing but a fart producing product. Put it this way, I've busted more ass from Go Lean than all the baked beans Hormel or the Bush family could produce in a year! Don't get me wrong, go Lean Crunch is delicious, but prepare for major stomach cramps, diarrhea and intense air biscuit entertainment for about 18 hours after eating it! I mean one after the other; seconds apart! No thanks. The people at Kashi desperately need to put a warning label on their product. Amazon should seriously think about partnering a... more

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Worst birthday ever

amusing review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product 72 Chinese Finger Traps 72 Chinese Finger Traps Please be extremely careful with these. I got one for my daughter's fifth birthday. I thought it would be fun gag. That's how they market it. Leanne had no idea what it was. So I told her to stick her fingers in it--and if I could take back those words, believe me, I would. But she did it. Then she tried to pull her fingers out, and they wouldn't come. At first it seemed funny. God help me, I think I even laughed. But then she really couldn't get them out. I tried to pull them out for her, but the thing with this contraption is, the harder you pull, the tighter it squeezes. The Chinese are an ingenious people. I tried looking for the instructions but I couldn't find them anywhere. So I tried pulling even harder, but that thing clung to her tiny fingers like the cold grip of death. So now I really began to panic, and I did what I think any parent would do. I got a hacksaw. Bad call, in... more

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Viva La Difference!

clever review by in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-08

Funny product MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat), Genuine U.S. Military Issue MREs (Meals Ready-to-Eat), Genuine U.S. Military Issue As I was leaving the Army, they were introducing Meals: Ready-to-Eat, which were replacing the venerable C Rations that were packed in tins of which many of the discarded ones were used by the enemy in Vietnam to send back to our soldiers as shrapnel.

We were told that the MRE's were taste-tested by soldiers, and were lighter than the tin contents of C-Rations. You can imagine my shock as I stood out in a frozen wasteland, and tried my first packet. If you ever heard the expression, "I would rather starve than eat this!" that is what everyone in the tent heard me say. Soon dubbed, Meals Rejected by Ethiopians, the MRE's made us question the taste buds of the soldiers who had supposedly given this disgusting kludge a thumbs-up.

Now flash forward to present day.

One reservist brought a box into one of our classes, and I was offered whatever I wanted. I marvelled at the choices. Gone were...
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Living Large disLodging Logs

funny review by in Home Improvement, 2014-02-08

Funny product LDR 512 P3515 Bellows Type Cup Toilet Plunger LDR 512 P3515 Bellows Type Cup Toilet Plunger Let me preface this by saying there is probably something medically wrong with me. I take huge dumps. Abnormally large ones. Obviously this can be problematic, as some toilets just can't handle the kind of lumber that I'm laying down. I recently moved into a new apartment, and it is amazing. EXCEPT that the toilet is crappy, pun intended. This thing gets clogged pretty much every time I "lay some cable." I started off using one of those cheap ass old fashioned wood rod with a red suction cup plungers. It was a horrorshow. Poop water was splashing all over the damn place and ruining the bathmat, plus somehow the damn dog always managed to get some on him which he would then shake and spray all over the rest of the place. IT JUST WAS A BAD SITUATION. So I came on the ole amazon dot com to look at... more

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