Work is bearable once again - co-workers avoid tragic ending

funny review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product LectroFan - Fan Sound and White Noise Machine LectroFan - Fan Sound and White Noise Machine Moved into brand spanking new office space that is so quiet you can hear every flatulence, chip crunch, carrot bite, soup slurp, (boorish) conversation, whisper or otherwise, every phone call (if I concentrate hard enough, both sides), keyboard click, mouse movement, tummy rumble, foot step (nicknamed a couple new clod hoppers), sniff, sneeze, coffee slurp, burp, soda can opening, staple punch, paper printed, knuckle cracking annoyance from every inch of the 4000 square foot expedient path to nightmarish hell ...

Then the LectroFan arrived.

Peace came.

Will to live returned.

Murderous thoughts dissipated.

Does exactly as...
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Variety pack problems

fun review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product 60 Durex Condoms Variety Pack! 60 Durex Condoms Variety Pack! Half of the variety pack was simply the rainbow condoms, which is great if you want to reenact fight scenes from Star Wars, but not so great in the bedroom. When I saw variety, I was hoping for different textures, not to look like Ronald McDonald with a McBoner. more

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Super Great!

hilarious review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product MHP The Nicodemus Coffin Bed MHP The Nicodemus Coffin Bed I have been a vampire for 30 years and have had trouble finding something comfortable and practical to sleep in. As soon as I saw this I ordered it and it has completely changed my life. It is amazing and it is also very good for luring children with an interest for vampires over and they make a good snack. I would definitely recommend this coffin bed for everyone alive and dead. more

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The perfection will make you weep

witty review by in Sports & Outdoors, 2014-02-08

Funny product Snow Peak Titanium Spork Snow Peak Titanium Spork I don't know why a titanium spork is such a fun thing to own. But it is. I got mine as a gift and I.. just.. like.. using it.

Maybe it's because what you have here is a final experience, the idealized form of a piece of technology. It's as tough as steel, it's light, it's utterly non-toxic, manages hot food without a problem, scoops up yogurt, soup and stew with aplomb, spears meat and vegys without trouble. It cleans up trivially. It will probably last about a billion years in typical use. It's got a simple, appealing shape. There's no way to improve on it. You look at it, and just know that in five hundred years, it will still be the utter epitome of utensilness.

Hold it in your hand, and you feel like mankind has achieved something, finally made something that's perfect, that just works without a glitch. That's not a feeling you get often. You...
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A review for guys

funny review by in Beauty, 2014-02-08

Funny product Conair 225NP Comfort Touch Tourmaline Ceramic  1875-Watt Hair Dryer, Black - packaging may vary Conair 225NP Comfort Touch Tourmaline Ceramic 1875-Watt Hair Dryer, Black - packaging may vary I didn't know what the attachments were for so I threw them out. I turned it on and it blew hot air. 5 stars. more

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Speaking As A Ninja

fun review by in Welcome, 2014-02-08

Funny product Mind Manipulation: Ancient and Modern Ninja Techniques Mind Manipulation: Ancient and Modern Ninja Techniques Being shrouded in a mysterious cloak of darkness as I lie in wait for my foes can be a lonely and uninspiring process and experience has taught me that it's always best to bring a book.

While I do enjoy a good Dan Brown novel and can speak nothing but praise for the latest Anne McCaffrey, it is nice, every once in a while, to read on topics much closer to home. On the long and arduous march toward infinite karmic justice, escapism like this can play an important role; but there's only so much time one can spend reading about dragons and ancient codes before a yearning sets in for something more life-like and real.

When I came across this book, my sword of ultimate unity glowed red hot with the spirits of my ancestors and I knew at once that not to purchase it would mean my exclusion from the afterlife and the wrath of my forebears.
I hastily complied.

The book contains many...
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At last, my victory over "good" is complete!

amusing review by in Video Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Diablo III - PC Diablo III - PC For the last 15 years, as I served as the constant whipping post for thousands...nay, MILLIONS of pathetic worms who have plundered my depths and banished me and my brothers to the soulstones time and time again! NO LONGER! On May 15 in the year of the Panda, 2012, my plan to claim victory over the Nine Hells and the High Heavens has come to fruition! Behold, the chronicle of my journey thus far!

Day 1: Millions of hapless insects gathered with their gold in hand and their steel drawn as they prepared to storm my doorstep, thinking that I, the Lord of Terror, would stand idly by as you farmed me for loot. Little did you suspect that my secret weapon "error 3007" would lay you all low! Those of you that happened to slip by my net came face to face with my uberlieutenants-- Lagmodan, The Serverbreaker,and Archbishop Disconnectus.

Day 2-5: See day 1...

Day 6: The delays caused by my...
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Did not receive what I was expecting.

clever review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-02-08

Funny product Orcon LB-C4500 Live Ladybugs, 4,500 Count Orcon LB-C4500 Live Ladybugs, 4,500 Count Order information:
I was impressed with the quick delivery of my order. The ladybugs arrived in a vacuum sealed bag two days after I ordered them. They appeared healthy.

I was in desperate need for 3800 live ladybugs, but the only supplier on amazon decided to sell them in boxes of 4500. I did not want to wait for my necessary quantity to go up for sale, so I was forced to order what was available.

As soon as I received them, I wanted to verify I received what I paid for. I was upset after spending 13 hours counting them when I realized I had actually only received 4491 ladybugs. Seeing as I paid (...) per ladybug, I'm pretty upset about not receiving my complete order. Then again, I only need 3800.

I quickly released the extra 691 ladybugs out my front door. Seeing as it's 14 degrees out, they didn't make it very far.

Now on to my...
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Works great!

funny review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-08

Funny product Tampon Stealth Flask 5 Pack Tampon Stealth Flask 5 Pack When I'm sober I feel so empty and hollow, but thanks to this product I can now have a Bloody Mary any time I want, even while riding a white horse! more

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Very useful!

fun review by in Home & Kitchen, 2014-02-08

Funny product Multicolor Ocean Wave Light Projector, 12 LED, BLUE, RED, GREEN, MULTICOLOR, MP3 iPhone Speaker LED Night Light, Christmas Gift Multicolor Ocean Wave Light Projector, 12 LED, BLUE, RED, GREEN, MULTICOLOR, MP3 iPhone Speaker LED Night Light, Christmas Gift This product was a hit with my 3 year old son, and with the ability to plug in your ipod, this has made bedtime less of a fight and more of an enjoyable experience. It also helps my husband to stop masturbating so much, as he is mesmerized by the light show and falls asleep too soon. Gone are the nights of my son screaming and my hubby hitting me in the back with his "elbow". I no longer need 2 bottles of wine and nyquil just to have a good nights sleep. more

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Best Book for the Common man

rofltastic review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success Beat Your Way to the Top: Masturbation as a technique for business success Before I bought this book, my handshakes were weak and weary. Now, they are firm and muscular, with a hint of a non-slip grip. It's hard for me to imagine how I survived in the business world before. The only problem that I have now is that I occasionally squeeze a soda can too tightly, and get it everywhere. more

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It's magic

funny review by in Clothing, 2014-02-08

Funny product Alex Stevens Men's Polar Bear Pair Ugly Christmas Sweater Alex Stevens Men's Polar Bear Pair Ugly Christmas Sweater Maybe it's the sultry, curve hugging knit. Maybe it's the powerful imagery of polar bears doin' what comes natural. Maybe it's just the additional pheromones coming out in my sweat when I wear this thermodynamic wonder.

I don't know WHAT it is.

But the ladies are lining up around the block, all of a sudden.
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I have to return some videotapes

fun review by in Clothing, 2014-02-08

Funny product Isotoner Men's Smartouch Stretch Glove with Full Wrist Gather and Draw Fleece Lined, Brown, Large Isotoner Men's Smartouch Stretch Glove with Full Wrist Gather and Draw Fleece Lined, Brown, Large Have you ever found yourself in an alleyway, spattered with the blood of some vagrant whom you have just stabbed multiple times in an outburst of psychotic blood lust? You reach for your phone to check the time, only to discover that the gloves you are wearing to keep your DNA and fingerprints from being found on the corpse in this soon to be crime scene, do not have smart touch fingertips. And as such, you cannot enter the on-screen lock combination.

Well I know I have. But no longer! With Isotoner Men's Smartouch Stretch Gloves I'm able to slake my thirst for human blood while remaining both fashionable and tech savvy. Other gloves may possess Smartouch but few are capable of meeting the expectations of a metro-sexual sociopath, would strongly recommend purchasing...
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Simply Amazing

hilarious review by in Electronics, 2014-02-08

Funny product Samsung UN85S9 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED UHDTV (Black) Samsung UN85S9 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED UHDTV (Black) I needed an additional television for my breezeway walking from the side courtyard to the master quarters. Ever since Carlton renovated the Elephant exhibit, I only have the noise of the waterfall and the Harp player outside. Regardless, I love how easily it was for the commoners to attach the television to work with the people mover we have around the complex. I had to order 3 more, 1 for the master bath, 1 for the tennis court and I felt the 70 inch 3d television the commoners had in their basement dwellings needed an upgrade.

I do say, I wish it was available in solid gold or platinum. That way I could easily distinguish what quadrant of the complex I'm in.
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Very satisfied

witty review by in Electronics, 2014-02-08

Funny product Samsung UN85S9 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED UHDTV (Black) Samsung UN85S9 85-Inch 4K Ultra HD 120Hz 3D Smart LED UHDTV (Black) My wife and I bought this after selling our daughter Amanda into white slavery. We actually got a refurbished. It's missing the remote, but oh well-- for $10K off, I can afford a universal, right? The picture is amazing. I've never seen the world with such clarity.

Amanda, if you're reading this, hang in there, honey! We'll see you in a year.

*****

I just wanted to add an addendum to my review. Since posting it, we have received a flood of responses. People have said some pretty hurtful things--even questioning our values. Let me assure you, this was not an easy decision to make, and we made it as a family. Obviously, it's very personal. But in light of all the second-guessing, I wanted to explain our thinking.

First and foremost, screen size. I really think you can't go too big. 85" may seem huge, but you get used to it fast. Second, resolution. Is 4K...
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FINALLY!

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Design Sense Generic Weener Kleener Soap Design Sense Generic Weener Kleener Soap Pros: This is a hit at the bath house, we play ring toss for hours!

Cons: Waaay too big, it keeps falling off and retrieving it causes a train 8 guys deep.

Oh, and it tastes gross.
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Perfect

fun review by in Everything Else, 2014-02-08

Funny product Universal Law Enforcement Reverse Peephole Viewer (± 15° Viewing Angle) Universal Law Enforcement Reverse Peephole Viewer (± 15° Viewing Angle) Product allows me to survey a hotel room before I insert my forged room access card. Before, I would have to go in blindly, and potentially have to kill the occupants to retain my cover. Now, thanks to this product, I can simply see the goods before I have to put down any more people.

10/10 would recommend to anyone.
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It's an acquired taste...

amusing review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes My girlfriend and I just love this cookbook. She takes care of the actual cooking part and I am responsible for gathering the ingredients. We were delighted to find the ethnic food sections and are exploring the Asian cuisine this week. I gotta tell you though the Cream of Sumyoungguy is not for the faint of heart. It called for 1/2 cup of the err, special sauce. She said it was divine but honestly, I was just too tired to eat.

UPDATE: So it's been several months and I need to update my review. Because the book doesn't have any specific disclaimers I think it's important that readers be warned of potential issues... The first "issue" I experienced was Forearm Imbalance. My co-workers started noticing that my right forearm was considerably more defined and at least 3/4" larger than my left forearm. It's not like Popeye big but it's still pretty embarrassing. I tried some, shall we say, "load balancing" by switching arms for the collection...
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Works great for smaller adults, but then...

clever review by in Baby, 2014-02-08

Funny product CTA Digital 2-in-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad CTA Digital 2-in-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad I bought this for myself because, let's face it, I'm a busy lady on the "go" (pun intended!) and I don't always have time to properly do my business when there is so much internetting to be done.

Fortunately, I was blessed with a pretty minuscule frame and some freakish flexibility, so I am able to mount this sucker like a barely-oversized toddler.

At first, I found myself only using time-wasting apps like Flow or Fruit Ninja. Then, as my restroom visits lengthened (thank you, iPotty! My rushed toiletings had lead to some pretty serious lower G/I issues), I realized that we had some serious multi-tasking opportunities here.

In the past week, I have edited my NaNoWriMo novel, stalked my ex-boyfriend (whose new wife, by the way, is hideous... but at least she's tall, right, Rich?!), filled out my passport application - AND PRINTED IT! FROM MY BATHROOM! - and completed an online mobile app...
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Not good at math

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Large Vinyl Gender Neutral Asian Large Vinyl Gender Neutral Asian I bought this to tutor my children in advanced mathematics but this is actually an inanimate doll and not an Asian child. Would not do business with again more

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