Much better than Gender Specific Asian

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Large Vinyl Gender Neutral Asian Large Vinyl Gender Neutral Asian I ordered this doll for my niece after a disastrous Christmas with the Gender Specific Asian Doll. Gender neutrality is so much better! Tiny latex genitalia are just traumatic, I don't care what anyone says. more

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Just as fun drinking alone as it is with friends...

fun review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-08

Funny product Barbuzzo Spin-the-Shot Barbuzzo Spin-the-Shot I bought this for a friend, but he decided after I purchased it for him that he would be going into a 12 steps program. So, I was initially stuck with it. I played it a few times with friends, and I was probably the best ever at this game. I was just crushing it, and handing off drinks. I found that the more that I drank, the more fun and personable I was. I even made out with a friend of mine who I sort of had a thing for. Man, this product was great.

Then, I got laid off. And the spiral started downward. People stopped hanging out with me. So, I started to drink. I found that drinking alone was sort of boring, so I made a game out of it.

I put a shot into the spinning. Then, as it spins, I run around the table and pick a chair like I'm playing Duck Duck Goose. If I am in Chair A, I call myself Allen. If I sit in chair B, I am Brian. These are all the...
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Good as backup NFMBFTKS, but not as primairy NFMBFTKS

hilarious review by in Sports & Outdoors, 2014-02-08

Funny product BladesUSA Hk-6090 Fantasy Sword 27.25-Inch Overall BladesUSA Hk-6090 Fantasy Sword 27.25-Inch Overall I have been a user of Ninja Forearm Machete Blade Full Tang Knife Swords (NFMBFTKS for short, pron 'nif-mib-fit-kis') for most of my career, and have some that are quite nice. As a professional mercenary and vendor of 'blood diamonds', 'blood coffee beans', 'blood Nike knock offs', and other 'conflict-zone' products, I find myself in need of a good NFMBFTKS regularly.

I was a bit disappointed for several different reasons when this product arrived at my secure compound.

First, this product is sold by a company called 'Martial Arts Land', which is the same name I gave to my home in the Democratic Republic of Congo. I wish the company had done more research into other entities who are also using that name before naming their company. The post office had quite a time, seeing as the shipping label read 'From: Martial Arts Land' and 'To: Martial Arts Land'. I hope they are not the people who have been getting my missing issues...
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Barvo!

witty review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Fake Vomite, Puke, Barf Fake Vomite, Puke, Barf As any serious student of barf will tell you, it's been a dry decade. Since the frothy days of the late 70's, the puke movement has been, at best, stagnant. To be honest, I haven't seen anything that made me want to hurl in 15 years. Until now.

It may be too soon to call it a renaissance, but I believe we are witnessing the emergence of a major new talent in BWacky, and his cleverly titled "Fake Vomite, Puke, Barf" is the real thing (not the "real thing" mind you, but a brilliant facsimile) that left this critic heaving.

Coming out of seemingly nowhere, this Picasso of peristalsis puts it all on the floor. His Pollack-like pallet combines rich creams, jarring browns, and gut-churning greens. He's clearly experimenting with texture as well--swirling, chunky, oozy, hints of coagulation--it's all in there. Your eye is pulled in every direction. Like Dali, he uses juxtaposition to pose fundamental questions-- What did...
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Movement conservative

funny review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product Quilted Northern Ultra Plush Bath Tissue, 48 Double Rolls Quilted Northern Ultra Plush Bath Tissue, 48 Double Rolls There's nothing I wouldn't give for liberty, but they'll take my Quilted Northern from my cold dead hands. This is toilet paper for real Americans. It's ultra plush but septic-safe, perfect for life off the grid. (It's hard enough defending freedom without having to wipe with pine needles and poison oak.) As a conservative, I respect its lack of recycled material. And as a supremacist, I'm proud that it only comes in white.

It's not just me--our entire militia depends on these double rolls. On cold Idaho nights, nothing works better for lining the planks of our log compound than this quilted 3-ply. And for us, the 48-Pack is a God-send. You haven't seen anarchy til you've watched 48 well-armed patriots wrestling over the last square of tp. I'll face down the Dems at the gates of H-E-Double Toothpicks, but I sure don't...
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Pure, sweet cardamom

fun review by in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-08

Funny product Cardamom Whole / Black Cardamom Pods - 3.5oz Cardamom Whole / Black Cardamom Pods - 3.5oz Don't be alarmed, don't scroll away. What you're gazing upon is no heap of dead roaches, nor a pile of petrified rat filth. It's cardamom. Pure, sweet cardamom.

Cardamom. Ancient spice of the East. Cinnamon of royalty. The thinking man's nutmeg. What coriander wishes it was. The spice that kicked sand in cumin's face and left caraway single, broke and pregnant. Cardamom.

Can you smell it on the wind? The cardamom? This intoxicating scent of India, wafting through streets of Delhi, like a whisper from a forgotten world? No, not that, that's the cows...not the stench of crushing poverty...that's a dead guy--right under that, that kind of sweet smell? That's cardamom.

Sweet, intoxicating cardamom. Nectar of the gods, breath of the immortals.

With what did Cleopatra tempt Caesar? Cardamom.

What brought the smile to the...
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natural cooking that's not hard to swallow!

amusing review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes I cannot stress how enthusiastic I am about these recipes! The light touch and gentle stroke of the wooden spoon as one caresses ingredients together results in an explosion of taste!

While many of the hip new cookbooks require expensive and hard to find ingredients, this one does not. The elixir that need not speak its name is easy to come by and it's one chore that the man of the house will finally enjoy helping with when it comes to the kitchen!

Since getting this book, I cannot quit cooking! I've never had such enthusiasm for the culinary arts. I'm not just beating around the bush saying that.

At first taste, the bouquet, texture and flavor are unmistakable. These dishes are the stuff of life! I recommend you put aside the pulled pork sandwich and those dull old hot dogs and rush to begin using this...
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Feeling the Love

clever review by in Clothing, 2014-02-08

Funny product Alex Stevens Men's Polar Bear Pair Ugly Christmas Sweater Alex Stevens Men's Polar Bear Pair Ugly Christmas Sweater I swear this sweater grants me some sort of powers. Perhaps it has unlocked some unknown source of energy deep down in my loins. Or maybe its just that knowledge that a few polar bears are taking the midnight express to pound town right where my nipples should be.
But ever since ive started wearing this heavenly piece of winter apparel, I been straight drownin in dat poontang.
And i luhhh dat.
P.s. can someone please get a brother a snorkel
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It's an acquired taste...

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes My girlfriend and I just love this cookbook. She takes care of the actual cooking part and I am responsible for gathering the ingredients. We were delighted to find the ethnic food sections and are exploring the Asian cuisine this week. I gotta tell you though the Cream of Sumyoungguy is not for the faint of heart. It called for 1/2 cup of the err, special sauce. She said it was divine but honestly, I was just too tired to eat.

UPDATE: So it's been several months and I need to update my review. Because the book doesn't have any specific disclaimers I think it's important that readers be warned of potential issues... The first "issue" I experienced was Forearm Imbalance. My co-workers started noticing that my right forearm was considerably more defined and at least 3/4" larger than my left forearm. It's not like Popeye big but it's still pretty embarrassing. I tried some, shall we say, "load balancing" by switching arms for the collection...
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Terrifying and Absolutely Perfect

fun review by in Home & Kitchen, 2014-02-08

Funny product Flying Alarm Clock Flying Alarm Clock My boyfriend is a heavy sleeper. I'm sure he could sleep through a skeet shooting exhibition that was being held at the foot of his bed during a Category 5 hurricane that was shredding his house to bits while it was on fire.

This year for Christmas, I purchased him the Flying Alarm Clock and once he set his alarm, he has not been late since. The sound emitted from the speaker on the bottom side of the unit emits an incredibly loud siren once the alarm goes off...that's bad enough to wake the dead. On top of that, the sound of the spinning blade jolts him awake immediately in fear of his life ending. Even if the spinning wheel of hatred atop the unit does not wake him immediately, it plants itself behind his computer desk in his bedroom for impossible retrieval without extensive...
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The pinnacle of Western Civilization

rofltastic review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas Good Tidings and Great Joy: Protecting the Heart of Christmas Finally after millennia of trying to get to the crux of our human condition, a mind of ultimate wisdom powered by a voice of persuasive eloquence brings us the single greatest work to come out of the Western tradition. When you were sleep-walking through school and wondering what was the point of all those hard books -- why read Aristotle, why read Sartre, why read Shakespeare? Well, here is the answer. All of those lesser lights were preparing us for this. My only regret is that I have now experienced the highest point of my intellectual life without having prepared myself adequately for it. I will need to revisit the entire Western canon and re-read and re-imagine each classic in light of this truly greatest of classics. What the name "Einstein" meant for the 20th Century as an icon for ultimate intelligence, the... more

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with great Sex Panther comes great responsibilty

funny review by in Beauty, 2014-02-08

Funny product Sex Panther 1.7-oz Cologne Spray Sex Panther 1.7-oz Cologne Spray I received this cologne as a gift from my younger brother.

He had saved his money from mowing lawns the entire summer and told me that I was his big bubba and he loved me. I opened the cologne and it's smell lit up my senses in a way that I can not begin to describe.

I wore it to school the next day and noticed that teachers seemed to bend over a lot more in front of me, the girls all seemed to stay near my locker, and the principal called me into his office for a "long talk."

It seems that I have an animal magnetism that can only be explained by the power of this mighty cologne. I have since run out of the cologne and since my mom took away my allowance for molesting a family of badgers(illegal in my county) I have resorted to trying and making my own cologne to wear.

I have tried many things, but most of the time people look at me in...
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Chaos on I-95

fun review by in Automotive, 2014-02-08

Funny product Rightline Gear 100A20 Ace Car Top Carrier Rightline Gear 100A20 Ace Car Top Carrier "Nine. One. One. What is your emergency?"

This past summer I sent my kid to summer camp in North Carolina with his cousins. After a week, my husband, me, my daughter, and my niece visiting from Cancun went to my sister Ta-Ta's house in Richmond, Virginia to await the boys' return with my brother-in-law who had served as the camp nurse.

The next day, we set off for Pittsburgh from Richmond with six people in my six-passenger Mazda 5. Realizing we were going to need extra storage space for the overnight bags and for the boys' sleeping bags and suitcases, I purchased a soft-sided rooftop carrier from Amazon prior to heading for Virginia. It had four and half stars. It was one of those carriers you could use with or without a roof rack. They said.

Without a roof rack, you could run the straps inside your car doors and secure them safely inside the vehicle. They...
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I cannot stop.

hilarious review by in Welcome, 2014-02-08

Funny product Sriracha, Hot Chili Sauce, 17 oz (482 g) Sriracha, Hot Chili Sauce, 17 oz (482 g) This is the best sauce known to man. I have been going through two bottles a week for several months now. Yes, my insides are destroyed, by out-hole is a constant hearth of fire and brimstones, but I just can't get enough. I'm eating this stuff on everything from rice cakes to my girlfriend's nipples. I am in love. more

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Oh It Burns...

witty review by in Cell Phones & Accessories, 2014-02-08

Funny product Spraytect, iPhone 4/4s, All Carriers, Turquoise Spraytect, iPhone 4/4s, All Carriers, Turquoise Until recently I was dating a very beautiful woman, who wanted to carry pepper spray for her personal saftey.
As she carried her Iphone everwhere, this was simply the most logical choice.

The day It arrived at my apartment, will be a day I remember for the rest of my life.
After carefully fitting it, she began reading through the operating instructions.

Casually sipping her wine, she mentioned that she was curious how effective it was.
Giggling and laughing, she pointed it in my direction "pretending" to use it.
Realising how stupid this was, I made a grab to take it off her.

This obviously gave her a fright, and as I had had my finger over the nozzle the cover sent a stream of liquid into my face.

The feeling that followed, I can only describe as a combination of burning hot napalm, and the heat of a...
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Almost too powerful...

funny review by in Clothing, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Mountain Power and Grace Adult T-shirt The Mountain Power and Grace Adult T-shirt Im gonna be blunt here. I bought this shirt for one purpose, and one purpose only: To pull massive amounts of ass.

While many opt for the xxL size, since I have a thinner build, I went with medium. The tight fitting sleeves highlight my veiny biceps and portruding deltoids. I fear that if I continue wearing this shirt, the muscles I grow will inevitably rip the very fabric which surges them.... not unlike how a tiger's claws rips the flesh of his foes, before he crushes their windpipe in his massive jaws.

When I walk into a room wearing this shirt, people notice immediately. I can see the women looking me up and down. I can tell, they see that sexual beast in me - that sexual threat. And they are drawn to it. They cannot help it.

Despite being...
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Dangerous Product

fun review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Daddle By Cashel The Daddle By Cashel At first I thought this product was wonderful, but oh how things change. Don't be deceived by the joyful picture, this is a hazardous product that should not be sold without severe warning. After a long day of being ridden by my children, I was grazing on some nearby greens when my daughter dropped a dish on the ground. It broke and the noise of it spooked me, causing me to rear back and kick my son in the head. Now he talks with a speech impediment and has a wonky eye. I haven't taken the Daddle off in 3 weeks because I can't face the reality of what I've done. My wife won't speak to me, I have badly infected rug burn... more

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Not Appropriate For Dressage!

amusing review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Daddle By Cashel The Daddle By Cashel Please note that this Daddle is Western Style and will not be appropriate for those trained in the English Father Riding Method whereby one holds a rein in each hand and posts the trot. If you are looking forward to father jumping, father fox hunting, father polo or daddy dressage you will not be able to use this Daddle. Western Daddle riders hold the reins with one hand, and sit the trot. The pommel or horn on this Daddle is meant to hold a lariat which is useful when roping cattle or other competing or unruly fathers. more

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Minesweeper at 320 FPS

clever review by in Computers & Accessories, 2014-02-08

Funny product MSI Computer Corp. Video Graphics Cards R9 280X GAMING 3G MSI Computer Corp. Video Graphics Cards R9 280X GAMING 3G I am an avid minesweeper player. This performs extremely well.

I did a Solitaire winning screen stress test for 2 hour and the GPU temp didn't even go over ambient (~30c).

It runs my Netscape browser just fine and I think I may try to play some of this new Doom shareware that is coming out and hope to get 30+FPS

But really this card performs better than most for the $. Buy it. Buy two.
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It gets the job done

funny review by in Sports & Outdoors, 2014-02-08

Funny product Hair Salon 16oz Designer Water Spray Bottle by Soft 'N Style Hair Salon 16oz Designer Water Spray Bottle by Soft 'N Style I remember years ago, when I bought water bottle after water bottle, trying to get a fine mist of spray. None of them worked. Now, I find this bottle on Amazon, and it works REALLY well! I eat a lot of air-popped popcorn, and I needed something to spray on the cooked popcorn so that the cheese powder would stick. Before, I was eating the dry popcorn with the dry cheese seasoning, but once the popcorn was close to my mouth, the seasoning would just go into my nose and lungs. This made me cough every time I ate a handful of popcorn.

Now, as the popcorn is coming out of the popper, I spray a light mist of water,...
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