These gave my life meaning!

funny review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-08

Funny product Eddingtons Egg Cuber Eddingtons Egg Cuber For decades I have been wondering about the meaning of life. Religion, nah. Science, perhaps? The betterment of mankind, promising. Then it struck me! Square Eggs! My life will never be the same again. more

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Excellent banana saver

fun review by in Sports & Outdoors, 2014-02-08

Funny product Banana Saver, Yellow Banana Saver, Yellow This banana saver is great! So far I have taken it rock climbing a number of times and it has held up very well after being crushed into a backpack. It fits a wide range of banana lengths and curvatures and is clearly not a dildo (that is a problem with some other banana savers!). Its closure is quite secure. I would recommend it for adventuresome fruits! more

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So versatile!

hilarious review by in Everything Else, 2014-02-08

Funny product DVD Rewinder DVD Rewinder Think it's great? Don't answer yet! I figured out some cool things!

1. You can also rewind CDs!
2. If you put the DVD in upside down, you can FAST FORWARD. Woah.

I also tried rewinding my Dad's 45 records, but you have to trim them down to fit and you lose a little bit of the song.
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Saved my marriage!

witty review by in Everything Else, 2014-02-08

Funny product DVD Rewinder DVD Rewinder Times have been tough with the missus recently. We were always fighting about every little thing, who's turn it was to wash the dishes, who was going to mow the lawn, whether or not I was cheating on her with her sister (I was). And on the rare occasion we had the time to watch a movie together we would fight about who would rewind the DVD. My marriage was on the brink of collapse.

Enter "DVD Rewinder"! Rewinding our movies is no longer tedious, but an enjoyable experience to share with my wife. The amazing space age technology works like a charm and DVDs rewind in a matter of minutes, compared to the hours it used to take to manually spin the disc backwards thousands of times.

Sure, sometimes my wife still argues that it makes more sense for me to get a job than for her to get...
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Perfect for taking out your Russian Nesting Dolls quietly

funny review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-08

Funny product Deglon Meeting Knife Set, Stainless Steel Knives and Block, Set of 4 Deglon Meeting Knife Set, Stainless Steel Knives and Block, Set of 4 Title says it all, doesn't it? When one has the need to eliminate some nesting dolls, for whatever nefarious reason, nothing does the job like this set. A knife for each doll, almost, and you don't even have to waste time to remove from the back of one before taking out the next, and for the price, there is no way I could ever have 4 good knives for only just over $800....Don't wait, you will only regret not being able to organize one small part of a drawer ever so slightly better, while only giving up so much... more

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Matches my ever decreasing hand size

fun review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-08

Funny product Deglon Meeting Knife Set, Stainless Steel Knives and Block, Set of 4 Deglon Meeting Knife Set, Stainless Steel Knives and Block, Set of 4 I love this knife set, as I have medical condition where my handgrip size changes in relation to the Fibonacci series. more

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Retina-Burning Cooler.

amusing review by in Appliances, 2014-02-08

Funny product Honeywell - QuietSet 8-Speed Whole Room Tower Fan, Black Honeywell - QuietSet 8-Speed Whole Room Tower Fan, Black Honeywell intended this thing for use while people sleep. I know this, because there is a scene right on the box of people sleeping. However, what I discovered is that if I want to use this thing at night, I need a thick hand towel to cover the top because the lights they put on this thing will burn the retina right out of your head.

While trying to sleep, Batman appeared in my window because he thought I had launched the bat signal.

Then about a week later, I got a letter from the FAA stating whatever light was coming from my house was blinding pilots.

Snooki drops by once a week to use the light to tan.

In case you're not picking up what I'm putting down, this thing is ridiculously, stupidly bright. It's like, 4...
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Are you familiar with this product?

clever review by in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-08

Funny product Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals (1 Pound Bag) Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals (1 Pound Bag) It is impeccable. It is the purest, most chemically sound product on the market, anywhere.

They could charge twice the current rate for what they provide and customers would pay it, hands down.
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A Dieter's Prayers Come True

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Communion Wafers Box of 1000 Communion Wafers Box of 1000 These little beauties are perfect for the dieter. One can only eat so many carrot and celery sticks before one screams. How better to spruce up the blandness than the crunchy goodness of Jesus? Jesus is good with fat-free dips, as the base for cucumber sandwiches (especially with lemon salt) and out of this world on salads! I mean, do you have any idea how many calories croutons have? But not Jesus. Oh, no. He's fat and virtually calorie free.

We are taught to bring all our problems to the feet of Our Loving God, Jesus, and many of us have prayed for years in vain for help loosing the inner tire or the...
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My tongue had never seen the light of day

fun review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product Dr. Tung's Products: Stainless Steel Tongue Cleaner Dr. Tung's Products: Stainless Steel Tongue Cleaner I have been an avid Amazon shopper for years. Never once have I (selfishly) written a review for a product. After purchasing this simple tongue scraper, tonight I am ending that streak.

Before today, my tongue had (unknowingly) never seen the light of day. That's right. For YEARS, my tongue had been a whiteish-covered organ. It was more white-covered than pink. It looked like it had been born permanently stained with streaks of vanilla ice cream (as long as I can remember).

I thought I was just born "different". But deep down, I secretly envied the wet, pink, glistening tongues of others. Over the years and with countless attempts of desperation, I scrubbed and scrubbed my tongue with the fronts and backs of toothbrushes, all to no avail. I resided that I would always be a freak, I would always be the outcast with a white-splotched tongue.

Until tonight.

I...
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My Life Was Meaningless Before I Bought This!

rofltastic review by in Home Improvement, 2014-02-08

Funny product 15 Piece Lockpick Tool Set 15 Piece Lockpick Tool Set Since I got this set to fish a piece of a broken key out of a lock, a tremendous door of opportunity has been opened in my life. People have started inviting me to parties. Even squirrels stopped throwing nuts at me. My wife has even commented on how much better I look. All from buying this set of lock picks. more

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Really hard to drive with this...

funny review by in Automotive, 2014-02-08

Funny product Max Reflector Standard  Accordion Shade Max Reflector Standard Accordion Shade I love this product. It keeps my car nice and cool, BUT I will say that the only defect I have found so far is that it is very hard to drive with this on. I have had over 5 wrecks since I purchased it.

After my first fender bender, I decided it was best to roll down the window and stick my head out to see the road, but even that is hard because my eyes and mouth dry out very quickly. Since then, I have purchased some swimming goggles and a snorkel which has helped out tremendously during long drives.

Overall I would recommend this product, but only for those who are good at driving without being able to see the road.
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Feel like god cleaned your eyes with his own personal squeegie when you stopped at the traffic light

fun review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product Rohto Rohto Z! PRO Eye Drops 12ml Rohto Rohto Z! PRO Eye Drops 12ml Let's face it.. you've been driving all night on a road trip or been staring at porn on your computer all night and your eyes are starting to hurt. Sure you could reach for some Visine or Clear Eyes... but you'll be putting more drops in 15 minutes later, because they just don't get the job done. It's like using the windshield wipers on your dirty car... it's not as effective as the homeless guy who stands at the intersection in the bad part of town with his squeegie and spray bottle of Windex. He's gonna get your windows factory clean, and thats why you'll give him a few bucks.

Enter Rohto Z! Pro (formerly known as Rohto Zi Free) These are the strongest eye drops on the market. Their burning level is ranked at a 7... Santo Neo F/X drops are only a mere 5! These are the uncut heroin of eye drops... sure, they cost a little more, but your eyes will know where that extra money went. First your eyes burn like you poured gasoline in them... you'll think...
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Killing small birds and mammals

hilarious review by in Automotive, 2014-02-08

Funny product TMS CART-CANOE/KAYAK-KY001 New Jon Boat Kayak Canoe Carrier Dolly Trailer Tote Trolley Transport Cart Wheel TMS CART-CANOE/KAYAK-KY001 New Jon Boat Kayak Canoe Carrier Dolly Trailer Tote Trolley Transport Cart Wheel So, this company HAS to be blowing these carts out due to the odor emanating from the rubber tires. Functionally it is the SAME cart I see elsewhere around $100, it is sturdily built, has all the parts, looks like it works swimmingly, but I wasn't able to test drive it just yet.

Three UPS drivers fainted trying to deliver the box to me, it got to my door and the smell drove off all the neighborhood cats, I put it in the garage for a while and noticed that the smell had killed all the flies/mosquitos and I am pretty sure did in that family of mice living in the wall. I had to put it outside after the smell layered everything in my garage and the neighborhood children started running away from my car. I put it in the...
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Ceasar Romero!!!

witty review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product Muscletech Mass Tech Powder - Strawberry Milkshake, 5-pound Muscletech Mass Tech Powder - Strawberry Milkshake, 5-pound Mannnn, I bought this because of the claims of getting a lot of calories and protein but lawd! I did not know the epic price my gut and bowels would have to pay when I took this stuff. I have since isolated this down to the products finicky nature with certain milk. Being that I'm not able to get regular milk I tried the local brand which as of now I am sure is from a goat or some type of lizard. I mixed a shake and washed it down with such said milk and almost immediately my stomach began spasms and boiling like a witch's cauldron. I prayed it would subside but nope! It increased like the almighty himself was meting out his own divine justice. As sweat beads popped upon my brow I frantically looked for the milk bottle to check the expiration. It was good but over the wave of nausea that wracked my innards I knew what was coming next. My bowels needed release and I needed it quick!... more

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The buck stops here

funny review by in Home & Kitchen, 2014-02-08

Funny product Deer Rear with Bottle Opener Deer Rear with Bottle Opener Deer friends: Looking for the perfect "hunting lodge" accessory? No ifs, ands or butts, this is a staggering find. As any John Doe could tell you, mount this baby on your wall and BAMBI! Instant party.

Now when guests ask me to open their beers, I just say "Go buck yourself."
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Too realistic

fun review by in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-08

Funny product Westland Giftware Star Trek Magnetic Spock and Captain Kirk Salt and Pepper Shaker Set, 4-1/2-Inch Westland Giftware Star Trek Magnetic Spock and Captain Kirk Salt and Pepper Shaker Set, 4-1/2-Inch After Brad got me this set, I realized that they were a bit TOO true to life. The Kirk shaker kept wandering off in search of "lady shakers," insisting his salt crystals were real dilithium. I'd have recommended this as a great Father's Day gift, but I noticed over time that the body of the shaker droops, and the uniform now seems, well, a bit snug. I also was disappointed to learn that the hair piece does NOT come off as expected. One star off my marks for that.

Plus, the Spock shaker kept trying to rescue the Kirk shaker, even after it crawled in the microwave and was irradiated beyond repair. And while Spock's magnetic pull with Kirk is strong, it seems to much prefer the Uhura unit. I...
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Got Me Past the TSA

amusing review by in Sports & Outdoors, 2014-02-08

Funny product Ninja Folding Grappling Hook w/ Black Finish & Rope, Functional Ninja Folding Grappling Hook w/ Black Finish & Rope, Functional While traveling to the recent Osaka Ninja-world Annual Gala and Silent Auction, I decided not to check a bag. After all, my mask, robe, and slippers neatly fit into my pink Hello Kitty knapsack, cinched tight across both shoulders. I don't know why I decided to bring my Ninja Folding Grappling Hook, or why I thought I could walk through security with it. First mistake.

"What is that?" demanded the TSA agent, who looked remarkably like Nikki Minaj. Perhaps it was because she appeared well prepared to cast ample "shade" my way.

"It's a grappling hook. Haven't you ever seen one?" Second mistake.

"You can't carry weapons on board," she intoned, gesturing to the prohibited list, then inspecting a chipped nail.

"It's not a weapon, and grappling hooks aren't on this list," I pointed out, in my good natured tone. Third mistake. "Aerosols, oxygen tanks, box cutters, but...
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Iran, Iran so far away

clever review by in Industrial & Scientific, 2014-02-08

Funny product Uranium Ore Uranium Ore Brad and I figured it would be poetic justice to tuck one of these babies, along with a DVD of hard core gay porn, inside a gift basket sent to our favorite Iranian madman, ex-President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, during his last rant-filled visit to the UN. Just a small token of our esteem and thanks, you understand, for torturing and hanging those two gay teens.

When he saw from whom the basket was sent, he eschewed his normal practice of forcing captive American hitchhikers to detonate/taste everything first. We knew, you see, that Ahmandinejoke is a HUGE Trekkie and has a "very serious thing" for Marina Sirtis. (He follows her religiously on Twitter and sent her long couplets in Farsi, which reputedly rivaled the odes to Sly Stallone by the Glorious but...
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Bacon the most of it

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product BACON shaped themed Adhesive Bandages BACON shaped themed Adhesive Bandages Looking to add a little sizzle to your next flesh wound? Tired of the same boaring bandages?

Not to pork fun at an injury, but nothing strips the pain away like meating friends out dressed like this. "That's sow wrong, George!" they squeal. But fat chance they let such a pig idea go. In fact, they often rip it off quickly--after giving me the cold shoulder.

Perhaps it's time to climb out of this filthy pig pun. I can't help it: I ham what I ham.
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