Maybe...and maybe not

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Schrodinger's Cat Executive Decision Maker Schrodinger's Cat Executive Decision Maker This is the perfect gift to give yourself or a co-worker. Asked a simple yes or no question from the boss, such as "Will the report be done on time?" or "Will you be able to cover the books for me while I'm away?" the box legitimates "yes...and no" answers.

"Hang on, let me consult Schrodinger's Cat Executive Box" for that answer. "Aha! See? It says the answer is both yes, and no. That is, right now, knowing nothing other than your question, the answer could be either yes or no. But when we actually get to that point, we'll know whether it actually was yes, or...
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No big dill

fun review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Pickle Lip Balm Pickle Lip Balm When it comes to my lips, I eschew the vlassic flavors. So with this item, the heart said yes though the brine said no.

Apparently, the taste wasn't kosher for Brad, who can be a sour puss, even when in the balm of your hand. So you might want to pickle little more carefully, and give your spouse more than lip service.

Now I just say there's a pickle in my pocket and I'm happy to see him. Too cuke for words.

Well, never a dill moment around here.
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The Eyes Have It

hilarious review by in Clothing, 2014-02-08

Funny product Green Eyes Cat Face The Mountain Tee Shirt Adult Green Eyes Cat Face The Mountain Tee Shirt Adult When strolling the streets of LA or braving the subways of New York City, I'm often approached by fans. They are well-meaning and always polite, but unfortunately I'm often in a bit of a hurry and don't have the luxury to chat or pose for photos. For a time, I wore oversized sunglassses, but people often mistook me for Yoko Ono or more lately Psy, which only led to more awkward requests to cross my arms and pretend I was riding a pony.

So Brad ordered me the GREEN EYES CAT FACE by Mountain Tee and suggested I wear it whenever out in public.

It worked like a charm, at least for a time. People became so transfixed by the admittedly alarming cat print that they were often too embarrassed to make eye contact with the wearer, whom they could tell was, as expected, some septuagenerian Asian person.

My favorite response after a particularly long stare was to quip, "Hey. Buddy. EYES. UP. HERE." (It...
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Had a ball

witty review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-02-08

Funny product Matrix Zorb Cold Weather Human Hamster Ball Zorb Inflatable 3M Industrial TPU Matrix Zorb Cold Weather Human Hamster Ball Zorb Inflatable 3M Industrial TPU When Brad asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said "jet pack," just like I have for the past four years. Now, Brad thinks I'm too far into my "Golden Years" to strap on any kind of propulsion unit, so each year his gifts have been disappointing: A bow-tie. A snuggie. Gel insoles.

Imagine my delight when I came home to the ZORB HUMAN HAMSTER BALL in our back yard. "Not as good a jet pack," Brad noted, shrugging. "But safer."

Brad was a bit winded after blowing it up for six hours (I recommend an air pump), so we left it inflated. We strapped it to our car roof using the 120 left-over bungee cords from our home bungee jumping kit (I would NOT recommend this product). We then drove up to the Hollywood Hills sign for a test roll.

To my embarrassment, the first thing that happened was I got stuck halfway in, my legs wiggling on the outside. Brad enlisted some startled Korean tourists, who...
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Perfect Sharknado

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Air Swimmer Remote Control Inflatable Flying Shark Air Swimmer Remote Control Inflatable Flying Shark Brad and I caught Sharknado on ScyFy and had a good laugh. Brad in particular kept going on about how preposterous the whole notion was of a freak hurricane in LA bringing a deluge of airborne sharks.

You can guess the prank I pulled next. I waited until we had planned one of our home camping adventures in our backyard (Note: the AIR SWIMMER flying shark requires a good amount of space to operate, and definitely don't try it in high winds). I was in my Eagle Scout outfit and had just blown a rousing "Taps" on the trumpet to bring an end to our day. Brad had just doused our small fire carefully and plished off his fourth s'more, and true to form had broken out his harmonica to begin a lonesome "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot."

I excused myself, claiming I needed to go "visit nature" before turning in. When I was just out of sight, I ducked behind our tool shed and grabbed the AIR SWIMMER remote controls. To add to the ruse, I...
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This David is a GOLIATH

fun review by in Music, 2014-02-08

Funny product Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff When "Knight Rider" and "Bay Watch" ended, I felt a distinct void in my life. Without Hasselfhoff's bouncing pecs gracing my television, life simply felt drab and unfulfilling.

Imagine my delight when I discovered that Hasselhoff had not disappeared at all, but rather REEMERGED, this time as a serious force in music. It reminded me of when Leonard Nimoy had recorded his stirring tribute to Tolkien, "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins." It was that moving and momentous for me.

Honestly, few Americans truly appreciate how Hasselhoff singularly reshaped the entire landscape of German music. Auf wiedersehen, Amadeus. Hasselhoff ist hier!

I...
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Epic all-situation survivor's kit

amusing review by in Home Improvement, 2014-02-08

Funny product Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant First of all, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came to need such mystical tools of survival.

In the beginning, I was born from the ashes of Lincoln and Roosevelt then raised by Hemingway, a troop of firefighters, and werewolves. I was taught to fight evil of all forms from politics to the undead. I can tell you from experience, there has never been a tool half as useful as the Wenger - The Giant Knife. Let me give you a brief example from yesterday:

I woke up after my amazing night's rest in the Wenger's king size murphy bed (with satin sheets). Once the women were dressed and out the door, I made coffee from the Wenger's cappuccino machine. Then I headed out the door, Wenger in hand.

I came across a two old women selling crochet crosses. I pulled my Wenger out of my pants to get to my wallet. The ladies saw this and died in ecstasy just at the size of my Wenger. Now Armed...
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Excellent for multiple purposes!

clever review by in Home Improvement, 2014-02-08

Funny product Miller SS-36 "Sabre-six/hot-shot" 36in Stock Prod Miller SS-36 "Sabre-six/hot-shot" 36in Stock Prod Well me and the missus are into different things than most peeps. And this prod was just what the doctor ordered. Doctor Ruth that is. So there I am one night, lying on the bed with industrial grade nipple clamps hooked from me to a rigged car battery with the wife riding on top. So she's a-going at it when I jabbed her with the cattle prod. It set her off big time and in a fit of orgasmic fury, she pushed the rigged car battery lever to full power, which lit me up like a Vegas slot machine and made me pay out in silver dollars! We highly recommend this product! more

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The Secret saved my life!

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Secret The Secret Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.
At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the...
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Just don't. Unless it's a gift for someone you hate.

fun review by in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-08

Funny product Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag Haribo Gummy Candy, Sugarless Gummy Bears, 5-Pound Bag Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay...
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Ping! I love that duck!

rofltastic review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) PING! The magic duck!

Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.

The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze...
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Ping! I love that duck!

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) PING! The magic duck!

Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.

The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze...
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injustice: reviews among us

fun review by in Video Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Injustice: Gods Among Us Injustice: Gods Among Us This game was so fun to open. Getting off the shrink wrap required a bit of advanced knowledge though. At first I threw the game down my stairs. But it didn't open. Several hours later I realized the err of my ways. And burned the shrink wrap off the case. I do not recommend this method as it ruins the box and smells really bad and made me sick.
Oh by the way the CD itself looked really nice. I think they did a good job of making it look shiny. I stared at my reflection for several hours. I would definitely recommend this game.
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no more problems eating food

hilarious review by in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08

Funny product Passion Lubes, Natural Water-based Lubricant, 16 Fluid Ounce Passion Lubes, Natural Water-based Lubricant, 16 Fluid Ounce My food is so much easier to eat now that I'm lubing it up. Chicken just slides down my throat. It basically eliminated the need to chew. Which I always thought was a waste of time in the first place. Now I just lube up some sausage and in no time it's coming down my throat. Really good for force feeding my children as well, my 2 and a half week year old could barely deep throat a pickle, now she's taking em down like a boss, just like her daddy. I highly recommend trying pb and lube. It's a hit in our home. more

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perfect for pretending you're blind

witty review by in Clothing, 2014-02-08

Funny product Wayfarer Polarized Retro Sunglasses WF01PZ (more colors) Wayfarer Polarized Retro Sunglasses WF01PZ (more colors) These glasses really trick people into thinking you're blind. I even started to believe it myself after while. The rods and cones in my eyes literally just gave up on trying to refract. Now I live in this strange half dimension under a local bridge near a sugar refinery. It's quite frightening indeed. These glasses are not for the faint of heart. more

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if you're not having sex with your chair you're missing out

funny review by in Everything Else, 2014-02-08

Funny product Original Hula Chair: As featured on the "Ellen" Show! Original Hula Chair: As featured on the "Ellen" Show! I really can't describe the feeling of intercourse with this chair. I mean I've had sex with other chairs and furniture before but not quite like this. I had an orgasm that lasted half an episode of "Cheers"! My sofa never did that before let alone a lawn chair. It felt like there were tiny Asian hands on my genitals. I came in my mind! And on the chair! Whoops :-) It has such a beautiful figure, I want to be dominated by her. I would do anything for this chair. I would kill for her. We must respect the chair, for it has imprisoned my mind. more

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Sayonara to Solitude

fun review by in Kindle Store, 2014-02-08

Funny product How to Get Gorgeous Pen Pals and the Woman of Your Dreams in Asia How to Get Gorgeous Pen Pals and the Woman of Your Dreams in Asia I ordered this book because I always had such a hard time meeting gorgeous pen pals and dream women from Asia. The book worked out great - in fact a little TOO great! Who knew that my Asian pen pal adventure would lead me from Topeka, Kansas to the hands of Japan's Yakuza crime syndicate and a long, difficult escape from Tokyo's underground human-slavery network!

This all started several years ago when a fellow cashier at the Dollar Tree caught my eye. She was an Asian named Gwen. From the way she swayed in her cashier's apron, the way she gently flicked her hair from her brow after a long shift, to the way she softly said "Thank You" in that exotic Oriental manner to customers - it all proved irresistible to me. Alas, my desire for Gwen would go unrequited. One shocking afternoon I professed to Gwen - in substantial detail - my burning desires and plans for the future with her. She rejected my advances and summoned Human Resources, leaving me jobless...
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Urine Luck!!!

amusing review by in Pet Supplies, 2014-02-08

Funny product Urine Gone Urine Gone As my grandmother used to tell me, "Accidents Happen." Sometimes the accidents are in your pants. Luckily, this great product helps you stay "pee-pared" for those times when nature calls. Whether an accident happens at home, outdoors, in the passenger seat of your buddy Ed's Monte Carlo, or on a float at the Rotary Club's 4th of July parade, "Urine Gone" is there to address the mess!

I couldn't believe how fast this worked when I sprayed it on my jeans for the first time. Just like that, the familiar urine smell was GONE and nobody at Aunt Esther's funeral was the wiser. Since then, I carry it with me wherever I go, even on "hot dates" with women! (Ladies like a man who knows how to take care of business - and clean up afterwards!) You never know when you'll have to spray your day away. Especially...
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Save your money and . . .

clever review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Playmobil Security Check Point Playmobil Security Check Point . . . don't pay extra for the body-cavity-search accessories.
It is slightly more realistic in terms of the new body-scan technologies in place at major airports, but unlike real passengers, the included figures are not anatomically correct.
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No longer available

funny review by in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08

Funny product Playmobil Security Check Point Playmobil Security Check Point Get it now as soon it will no longer be available. TSA has requested that this product be removed from the market. It was deemed a security risk as it is virtually identical to the actual training material used to train TSA agents. more

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