These are the funniest amazon reviews, as rated by readers. Vote if you find them hilarious or not fun at all, so the most funny product reviews will get to the top!
funny review by The Cantankerous Tiger in Welcome, 2014-02-08
Veet for Men Hair Removal Gel Creme 200 ml
I like the clean shaven look down in my gentleman's log cabin, so for the past few years I've used a shaver. However the hair keeps growing back which means every 6 months I have to spend 20 minutes trimming again. As I'm sure you've realise this is valuable time I cannot waste. So I decided to get to the root of the problem and purchased this product.
Probably the first thing you will notice after using this product is the pain. Although as a man I lack the required experience, I'm going to estimate that using this product is at least eleven times more painful than childbirth.
Imagine sticking a rusty razor blade into your favourite eye, before tying your hands behind your back. Then imagine that you use the entrenched razor blade to slice open a raw onion. All the while being butt naked. This product is slightly more painful than... more
fun review by C. Boustead in Books, 2014-02-08
Unicorns Are Jerks: a coloring book exposing the cold, hard, sparkly truth This coloring book saved my business. Our firm was on the verge of hiring a unicorn as our new public relations rep. At first, it seemed like a dream come true, what with his magical rainbow mane and shimmering eyes but then after reading this book, we decided to do a little more digging on our potential new hire. I'm so glad we did! This guy turned out to be a notorious ringleader in a human trafficking scandal! Bad news folks! He was using his irresistable horn to lure young children away into a life of depravity and abuse! We owe everything to this important publication. It's really so much more than a coloring book, it's a public... more
hilarious review by John Smith in Beauty, 2014-02-08
Conair 225NP Comfort Touch Tourmaline Ceramic 1875-Watt Hair Dryer, Black - packaging may vary I didn't know what the attachments were for so I threw them out. I turned it on and it blew hot air. 5 stars. more
witty review by Michael McCollough in Automotive, 2014-02-08
Wheelmate Laptop Steering Wheel Desk You wouldn't believe how much more interesting my commute is now that I have something to do other than just stare out the window! I'm using it right now to post this review and I never more
funny review by Patrick J. McGovern "Procrastinating Evil Scientist" in Industrial & Scientific, 2014-02-08
fun review by loosenut in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08
Playmobil Security Check Point
I was a little disappointed when I first bought this item, because the functionality is limited. My 5 year old son pointed out that the passenger's shoes cannot be removed. Then, we placed a deadly fingernail file underneath the passenger's scarf, and neither the detector doorway nor the security wand picked it up. My son said "that's the worst security ever!". But it turned out to be okay, because when the passenger got on the Playmobil B757 and tried to hijack it, she was mobbed by a couple of other heroic passengers, who only sustained minor injuries in the scuffle, which were treated at the Playmobil Hospital.
The best thing about this product is that it teaches kids about the realities of living in a high-surveillence society. My son said he wants the Playmobil Neighborhood Surveillence System set for Christmas. I've heard... more
amusing review by BaronVonAmazon in Home & Kitchen, 2014-02-08
Organize It All Chrome Hangers, 8 Hangers Per Pack As a back alley doctor this product did exactly what I planned for it to do. Might want to buy some paper towels things tend to get messy. more
clever review by brutus "momofthree" in Books, 2014-02-08
The 2009-2014 Outlook for Wood Toilet Seats in Greater China This is so weird. My husband and I were just discussing the 2009-2014 outlook for wood toilet seats in greater China the other day. Now today, here I am surfing Amazon and wouldn't you know it? The 2009-2014 outlook for wood toilet seats in greater China. I am so happy the price seems reasonable. I'm thinking Amazing Anniversary Present!!!!!! more
funny review by M. Bulger in Toys & Games, 2014-02-08
Inflatable Unicorn Horn for Cats
I've always wanted a pet narwhal but have neither the time, money nor pool-space to keep one as a pet, all I have is this lousy tabby cat. Then, through some sort of cosmic synchronicity, I happened upon this product and knew what had to be done.
I found the strap, to hold the horn to the cats head, a little flimsy. Luckily I found an open minded veterinarian who was willing to attempt grafting the horn to the cat. The procedure was expensive, more than I expected to pay for a cat-narwhal conversion, but I don't blame amazon or the manufacturer for any of that seeing as I went behind the scope of this products intended purposes.
All-in-all my narcat... or catwhal, depending whether you're a glass half full or empty type of person,... more
fun review by Jerome Albertson in Kindle Store, 2014-02-08
How To Get Girls By Using Magic
I used non-magical ways to get girls for way too long. And I'll tell you, it just wasn't working. Luckily - no, MAGICALLY - this book came along to make my dating troubles "disappear"! In fact, this book worked so well that me and my newfound magic powers got banned from the Jefferson County Fair!
You see, guys, I was just tired of the usual ways of approaching women. Asking for phone numbers, offering rides in the van, wearing 2 socks at the same time, and so on. Nothing I did made me stand out until I learned the ways of magic. Did you know that you can get a woman to notice and talk to you by using a suddenly-appearing rabbit? Doesn't even have to be a rabbit, any rodent will do. Just pull it out of your sweater at the bus stop, and VOILA - she'll be saying something to you in no time. (Helpful users tip: don't upgrade to possums until you mastered the rabbit and squirrel tricks.)
One of the more useful magic tricks I... more
rofltastic review by B. Govern "Bee-Dot-Govern" in Clothing, 2014-02-08
The Mountain Youth Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, Dark Green, Boys 2-4
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused... more
funny review by Malcolm D. Campbell in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08
Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon A little over a decade ago, I bought my 55 gallon drum of lube. I never thought I'd use it all but a few days ago the pump finally ran dry. I've had a lot of good times with it. My wife, too. And not just what you'd think. One day I just hosed down our hardwood-floored hallway so I could use it as a slip-n-slide. You shouldn't think of this as a 'purchase.' It's an 'investment.' An investment sure to pay off in spades. more
A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates If you like this book, I highly recommend that you read it in the original binary. As with most translations, conversion from binary to decimal frequently causes a loss of information and, unfortunately, it's the most significant digits that are lost in the conversion. more
hilarious review by Thomas Dunham "Los Pepes" in Everything Else, 2014-02-08
JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank
I'll admit it. Shopping for a personal tank can be a bit daunting. Many times in the past I've purchased overpriced, so-called "battle tanks", then driven them into battle only to be wrecked in ten minutes by the first blow off of some insurgents home-made morter.
But not this baby, no way.
This tank R-O-C-K-S! Literally- the 400-watt sound-system keeps me rockin like a crazy man as I'm dishing out justice commando style. Wow. I just can't say enough. And the kids love it, too- imagine the look of terror in the eyes of the enemy as I'm dropping off my kid's team to their soccer game. Shock and awe, my friends, SHOCK AND AWE!
I had NAO install the optional GPS-guided white... more
witty review by Kyle J. Von Bose "Kyle von Bose" in Industrial & Scientific, 2014-02-08
I bought this to power a home-made submarine that I use to look for prehistoric-era life forms in land-locked lakes around my home town in Alaska. At first I wasn't sure if this item would (or could) arrive via mail, but I was glad to see it showed up with no problems. Well, almost no problems.
Unfortuantly my mom opened my mail, because she does not respect people's privacy. She was pretty upset to see Uranium Ore. After a long argument and me running away from home again, she finaly stopped being such an idiot and I was able to get back to work.
The quality of this Uranium is on par with the stuff I was bying from the Libyans over at the mall parking lot, but at half the price! I just hope the seller does not run out, because I... more
funny review by M. Rosen in Grocery & Gourmet Food, 2014-02-08
Fresh Whole Rabbit Like many suburban homeowners, I like to kill and eat the wild animals that populate my backyard. To keep it sporting, I hunt naked, with my teeth and long sharpened fingernails as my only weapons. I've feasted on squirrel, raccoon, vole and numerous songbirds. But no matter how long I lay spread eagle and motionless in the hot noonday sun, I have never been able to outwit and catch any of the plump and juicy rabbits that hop just outside my reach and then bolt for the woods when I leap forward with a blood-curdling shriek. I have chased them at a dead run through the yards of the many unoccupied homes that surround mine but the pursuit always ends in frustration. But no more, thanks to Amazon. Every week, I order a fresh whole rabbit and affix it to a remote control car that is operated by one of my children. This way, I... more
amusing review by Alan E. Schmidt "Monkey head" in Automotive, 2014-02-08
Universal-fit Animal Print Bench Seat Cover - Zebra Pink
This is a status symbol! It tells the world "Hey look at me! I have the animal spirit of the ferocious pink zebra!"
Being in my early forties I needed something that announced my presence with authority. Tight polyester pants, knee high moccasins, and Members Only jacket (no shirt), could not do it alone. With these seat covers I have entered the world of "Bad Boy". Chicks dig the bad boy.
You should have seen the respect I earned walking into the county jail. (I was framed by the way). They could not see the seat covers but they felt the spirit of the ferocious pink zebra. RESPECT!
My 82' camaro has never run better. My fuzzy dice needed this. It doubled my powers. The camaro was like a sailboat on land. The pink zebra seat covers were the water it craved. I am now complete.
Since adding these to the camaro I have noticed the "ladies of the night" have been charging me less. Yes, it is that intimidating.... more
clever review by Wolfshirtman500 in Clothing, 2014-02-08
The Mountain Loving Wolves Purple T-shirt At first I was not sure how my new wolf shirt would be received. I was fearful. My fears were quickly cast to the sea. Never have such majestic creatures graced the underside of my pectorals. The casual tongue contact from the dominant wolf lets others know that I am always down for a good time. more
funny review by Chad Carnahan in Office Products, 2014-02-08
Datastroyer Model 1000 Disintegrator I'm a coyote that lives in the desert and ordered this product to help catch a pesky roadrunner in the area. It arrived well-packaged and after covering it in tumbleweeds I put a pile of roadrunner pellets under it, as is my custom. In a few moments the roadrunner showed up and started eating the pellets so I turned away and snickered while pointing my thumb in his general direction as if to say, "He has no idea he's about to be disintegrated," but when I did I failed to notice a lynch pin had slipped out and the disintegrator had swung directly over my head. When I turned around, the roadrunner had finished the pellets and was looking at me so I scoweled at him and pushed the "On" button while maintaining eye contact. I was immediately disintegrated into a pile of ashes with two eyes so I minused... more