These are the funniest amazon reviews, as rated by readers. Vote if you find them hilarious or not fun at all, so the most funny product reviews will get to the top!
funny review by Beaver Brownlee in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-17
WHISKEY DICK LUBE This stuff is the best! At first it seemed a little awkward on poker night to break this stuff out but once everyone started putting this stuff on we all loved it. Everybody was a glow with huge smiles as they lubed themselves up. Now we have started even taking this stuff along ice fishing and even hunting, at least at deer camp. I can't think of a better bonding experience. more
fun review by Jack Michaelson "cactusjake" in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-13
Forever Lazy Soft Fleece Adult Lounge Wear L/XL
Ever since my wife and I both started wearing the Forever Lazy jammies we haven't been able to keep our hands off each other because we both find adult footed pjs incredibly sexy.
The zip down backdoor flap really comes in handy when you want a fuzzy akward quickie.... just be careful for static electricity...... after a bout of vigorious lovemaking I nearly set the house on fire. more
hilarious review by Jemes in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08
60 Durex Condoms Variety Pack! Half of the variety pack was simply the rainbow condoms, which is great if you want to reenact fight scenes from Star Wars, but not so great in the bedroom. When I saw variety, I was hoping for different textures, not to look like Ronald McDonald with a McBoner. more
Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes
My girlfriend and I just love this cookbook. She takes care of the actual cooking part and I am responsible for gathering the ingredients. We were delighted to find the ethnic food sections and are exploring the Asian cuisine this week. I gotta tell you though the Cream of Sumyoungguy is not for the faint of heart. It called for 1/2 cup of the err, special sauce. She said it was divine but honestly, I was just too tired to eat.
UPDATE: So it's been several months and I need to update my review. Because the book doesn't have any specific disclaimers I think it's important that readers be warned of potential issues... The first "issue" I experienced was Forearm Imbalance. My co-workers started noticing that my right forearm was considerably more defined and at least 3/4" larger than my left forearm. It's not like Popeye big but it's still pretty embarrassing. I tried some, shall we say, "load balancing" by switching arms for the collection... more
funny review by Narutakikun in Office Products, 2014-02-08
Datastroyer Model 1000 Disintegrator I'm a private security contractor who recently had a stint working for a certain well-known Empire that had a need to track down three fugitives and their small ship. The competition on this contract was tough, and I was looking forward to using my Datastroyer Model 1000 Disintegrator to really get the edge over the other contractors. Well, imagine my disappointment when the Imperial official in charge of the operation - a really difficult sort who always dresses in black just for dramatic flair - looked me right in the face and said: "No disintegrations!" All that time and effort put towards learning how to use my Disintegrator, totally ruined by the whims of a government bureaucrat! Fortunately, Amazon's returns policy was excellent, and I was able to return my... more
fun review by J. Laury "Zombie Killer" in Books, 2014-02-08
A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates
It always happens when you translate something into the vernacular. Something of the original intent or message gets lost. For the purists out there like myself, you're much better off purchasing A Million Random Digits with 100,000 Normal Deviates by RAND Corporation, Ed. 1 (Paperback - December 25, 1999) in the original Latin.
Tell me honestly, which paints more of a picture in your mind:
"4789" or "MMMMDCCLXXXIX" or how about "3762" or "MMMDCCLXII"?
If you're a purist who enjoys the... more
amusing review by G. Barry "gtbarry" in Cell Phones & Accessories, 2014-02-08
[Non-Slip] SPIGEN Google Nexus 5 Case Slim [Ultra Fit] [Smooth Black] Premium SF Coated Matte Hard Case for Nexus 5 - Smooth Black
I like my Nexus 5, but it has its quarks. Specifically, the design lacks symmetry. Overall, it seemed kind of unstable and couldn't hold a charge. Honestly, I kept having a nagging suspicion that my Nexus 5 had no mass.
I tried many methods to fix this. Most often, I would collide my Nexus 5 at high speeds with another Nexus 5 and study the results while sitting on my large Henredon couch. In the end, I felt like I was left standing alone in an empty field.
That is, until I discovered the SPIGEN Google Nexus 5 Case Slim Premium Protective Cases for Nexus 5! Discovering this case was both monumental and nobel. It has validated my mobile phone model and is a quantum leap over other cases. Now my Nexus 5 is both tangible and matters.
clever review by neilathotep in Books, 2014-02-08
Mr. Tickle (Mr. Men and Little Miss) Back in college I got a job as a summer janitor at the local elementary school. One of the things I had to do was clean up in the library. I took this time as an opportunity to catch up on some reading... in the form of the Mr. Men series. Mr. Tickle is a great book about a man who likes to tickle. If you like to laugh, this book is for you. If you like to tickle, this book is for you. If you are a mean spirited and grumpy person, perhaps you should try another book more
funny review by Stew Clyde "twitter/stewclyde" in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-08
Dr. Tung's Products: Stainless Steel Tongue Cleaner
I have been an avid Amazon shopper for years. Never once have I (selfishly) written a review for a product. After purchasing this simple tongue scraper, tonight I am ending that streak.
Before today, my tongue had (unknowingly) never seen the light of day. That's right. For YEARS, my tongue had been a whiteish-covered organ. It was more white-covered than pink. It looked like it had been born permanently stained with streaks of vanilla ice cream (as long as I can remember).
I thought I was just born "different". But deep down, I secretly envied the wet, pink, glistening tongues of others. Over the years and with countless attempts of desperation, I scrubbed and scrubbed my tongue with the fronts and backs of toothbrushes, all to no avail. I resided that I would always be a freak, I would always be the outcast with a white-splotched tongue.
fun review by The_Stout_One in Electronics, 2014-03-22
AmazonBasics 8-Sheet Strip-Cut Paper/CD/Credit Card Shredder It is compact, simple, and marvelous. This glorious piece of machinery has been giving me peace of mind since I plugged it in nearly a year ago. Every day I can find a new piece of shady junk mail, maxed out credit card, or CD full of incriminating evidence to throw into this bad boy, and without fail, it always replies in its mechanical grind, "Don't worry, NO ONE WILL KNOW OUR TERRIBLE SECRET." more
rofltastic review by JJ McLaughlin in Health & Personal Care, 2014-02-16
Banana Bunker (Color: Clear)
Seriously, me and my bros love to smash things and leave bruises. We blast bricks with our bare hands, drop kick pinatas, punish beer cans on our foreheads, and when we get lucky we smash some poon-tang in da club. Imagine a sexy wrecking ball dipped in Monster Energy drink and then lit on fire and hurled into outer space by the Greek God Zeus - well you guessed it, we're like that wrecking ball. But I think we've met our match with the Banana Bunker. Don't believe me? Ok, how could I make the following story up then?
So this dude in the park was eating a banana and making eye-contact with us! No, bro. So we walked over to him, flexed our pectorals and gave him a look, like we were gonna pound him down into little fruit cake delights. I told him, "not cool, bro, do that in private somewhere!" - so I grabbed his banana and SMASHED it! Turned that s*** into a puddle of bruised diarrhea. This fool just smiled and pointed to the other banana encased in... more
funny review by George Takei in Industrial & Scientific, 2014-02-08
Brad and I figured it would be poetic justice to tuck one of these babies, along with a DVD of hard core gay porn, inside a gift basket sent to our favorite Iranian madman, ex-President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, during his last rant-filled visit to the UN. Just a small token of our esteem and thanks, you understand, for torturing and hanging those two gay teens.
When he saw from whom the basket was sent, he eschewed his normal practice of forcing captive American hitchhikers to detonate/taste everything first. We knew, you see, that Ahmandinejoke is a HUGE Trekkie and has a "very serious thing" for Marina Sirtis. (He follows her religiously on Twitter and sent her long couplets in Farsi, which reputedly rivaled the odes to Sly Stallone by the Glorious but... more
fun review by Anthony J Sullivan in Everything Else, 2014-02-22
Universal Law Enforcement Reverse Peephole Viewer (± 15° Viewing Angle) I am a father of a very "loose" 15 year old girl and this product is a delight. I use this product all the time as she goes missing at least 3 times a week. Her mother & I go into seedy hotels in crack alley and use this to find which rooms she's holed up in. It works wonderfully unless she's in the bathroom. I haven't tried it yet but I'm sure this is also great for finding out which rooms people are partying in. You don't really want to just go random knocking as that's a good way to get shot. Just be aware if you buy this, you will get questioned at customs when bringing this back into the US. more
hilarious review by jrobertfox in Kitchen & Dining, 2014-02-11
The Dipr the Ultimate Cookie Spoon (1, Red) It was quite a horrifying summer. My days lounging by the sapphire embedded pool, or taking short jaunts on horseback were ever cut short by the somewhat unpleasant habit of consuming an Oreo cookie. Each afternoon, at 3:15, Augustus would promptly bring over a silver tray, upon which stood a neatly stacked pyramid of the famed cookie, along with a crystal tumbler of ice cold breast milk from one of the large mothers we kept for the purpose. I always hated having to remove my silk gloves and worse yet touching the milk and cookies so I could dunk them. After a while I had Augustus himself do the dunking, but he never could quite do it correctly given the surgical gloves I made him wear. Nor was I going to suffer the embarrassment of allowing him to place the cookie in my... more
One Size Adult Harry Potter Costume Sorting Hat - Brown
This hat its the best snorting hat
of all harry potter snoting hat take
good care of this snorting hat this
it is the best I recommend this to
you if you dont know whats a
pupuet it is agag made of
cloge you move your hand inside
the cloge bag if you dont know
whats a baby montior it is a
thing that if a baby cry you
hear from the baby montion
so some one says grifindor
slithern herpoof or rifinckle more
funny review by A. Gift For You "MidlightWest" in Home Improvement, 2014-02-08
Wenger 16999 Swiss Army Knife Giant
First of all, let me tell you a little about myself and how I came to need such mystical tools of survival.
In the beginning, I was born from the ashes of Lincoln and Roosevelt then raised by Hemingway, a troop of firefighters, and werewolves. I was taught to fight evil of all forms from politics to the undead. I can tell you from experience, there has never been a tool half as useful as the Wenger - The Giant Knife. Let me give you a brief example from yesterday:
I woke up after my amazing night's rest in the Wenger's king size murphy bed (with satin sheets). Once the women were dressed and out the door, I made coffee from the Wenger's cappuccino machine. Then I headed out the door, Wenger in hand.
I came across a two old women selling crochet crosses. I pulled my Wenger out of my pants to get to my wallet. The ladies saw this and died in ecstasy just at the size of my Wenger. Now Armed... more