A Dieter's Prayers Come True

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Communion Wafers Box of 1000 Communion Wafers Box of 1000 These little beauties are perfect for the dieter. One can only eat so many carrot and celery sticks before one screams. How better to spruce up the blandness than the crunchy goodness of Jesus? Jesus is good with fat-free dips, as the base for cucumber sandwiches (especially with lemon salt) and out of this world on salads! I mean, do you have any idea how many calories croutons have? But not Jesus. Oh, no. He's fat and virtually calorie free.

We are taught to bring all our problems to the feet of Our Loving God, Jesus, and many of us have prayed for years in vain for help loosing the inner tire or the...
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The Secret saved my life!

fun review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Secret The Secret Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.
At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the...
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Ping! I love that duck!

hilarious review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) PING! The magic duck!

Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.

The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze...
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Ping! I love that duck!

witty review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) PING! The magic duck!

Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.

The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze...
more

fun:

The Secret saved my life!

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Secret The Secret Please allow me to share with you how "The Secret" changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of "The Secret" is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don't want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.
At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the...
more

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Good-bye depression, hello life!

fun review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way? Before I found this book, I was very sad. I had lost my job, my wife wanted a separation, and my gay son Lawrence was dating one of those so-called "Asians." When someone (my son LAWRENCE) used my Amazon account to search for autoerotic asphyxiation techniques and nude yoga DVDs, this book was one of the suggested items that customers also bought. I'm not one to try something new (despite what my Amazon search history suggests, LAWRENCE) but the idea of feeling better spoke to me--even if it included clenching my anus 100 times a day.

Well let me tell YOU that it worked! I noticed an immediate difference in my outlook on life. With my mind preoccupied with tightening my sphincter muscles for a century mark, I was no longer fixated on the plights attacking my existence--my cheating wife, my lack of employment, my gay son--and I had drive and ambition. I had purpose! And that purpose was living life to see what would happen the next...
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Verdict: Guilty of Being a Great Book!

amusing review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Criminal Justice System The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Criminal Justice System I bought this book a while back when I was in a bit of a pickle. Turns out a man can't have fun on his own property with some friends anymore, and I had a case against me for all sorts of permit violations. I turned to this book for advice, since I couldn't afford a lawyer to handle these trumped-up charges. I just needed to learn a few things, such as:

- What kind of liquor permit is needed to keep over 35 kegs on the premises?
- Is intoxication a valid defense to charges of arson?
- Is it a violation of code to keep livestock on hand for racing purposes only? (No breeding.)
- Do I have a right to sue the police officer that drew his weapon and ordered me to get out of my vintage 1972 military tank?
- Can a property owner be held liable for damages to a Tanzanian wildebeest, when the darn thing started the whole mess in the first place?
- Do midgets need to be above a certain...
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An epic read indeed

clever review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Facial Hair Handbook The Facial Hair Handbook I was down and out, it felt as if my luck was running dry, and everything I liked about the world had left me. Sleepless night after sleepless night I waited for something to come my way. It was then that I decided to quit my job and travel the earth in search of an answer.

I was on my way to the airport for a morning flight to Chi town as it dawned on me: I should get a new look if I were to become a traveler. I had barely made it past the security gate when I found the book that would change my life. I quickly refunded my ticket and went home to read this book.

I marveled at such a novel idea of writing a book about growing a beard, but there it was right in my hands. A surge of energy flowed through me like I had never before experienced. Every page I turned was like a wave knowledge that set my mind at ease and created desire in my heart. I was shelving my shaving supplies and looking more and more like a man...
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An epic of Biblical proportions!

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Boldtext Pew Bible: King James Version Boldtext Pew Bible: King James Version My Book Report

By cousinpaco

The Holy Bible tells the story of, well, everything. It begins with the creation of All That Is, and ends with Judgment Day (though it's pretty different from the one they showed in "Terminator 2"). It's split into two parts, one old and one new. This makes it easier to get through, sort of like "Lord of the Rings" or "Harry Potter" books. There's all sorts of numbers to help you keep track of where you are, so you don't have to worry about a bookmark.

The main character in the story is God, who made Earth and stuff. He sets a bunch of rules that he wants people to follow. At first, all the Angels do what he tells `em, but one gets fed up and quits. He is punished to Hell (it's a real place, not a cuss word) and turns into Stan, which is a pretty cool part.

God next creates the first people, Adam & Eve (who have a catalog named...
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Grate book!

fun review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product A Shore Thing A Shore Thing I use to be Harvard inglish profeser. I reed this bok and now forgot how spel and use inglish.
Plot was nyce, had good story and hot chicks.
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Ping! I love that duck!

rofltastic review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) The Story about Ping (Viking Kestrel picture books) PING! The magic duck!

Using deft allegory, the authors have provided an insightful and intuitive explanation of one of Unix's most venerable networking utilities. Even more stunning is that they were clearly working with a very early beta of the program, as their book first appeared in 1933, years (decades!) before the operating system and network infrastructure were finalized.

The book describes networking in terms even a child could understand, choosing to anthropomorphize the underlying packet structure. The ping packet is described as a duck, who, with other packets (more ducks), spends a certain period of time on the host machine (the wise-eyed boat). At the same time each day (I suspect this is scheduled under cron), the little packets (ducks) exit the host (boat) by way of a bridge (a bridge). From the bridge, the packets travel onto the internet (here embodied by the Yangtze...
more

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Incomplete and suspect

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product All In: The Education of General David Petraeus All In: The Education of General David Petraeus This book gives us an incomplete picture of the General, since Ms. Broadwell declines to describe his physical anatomy, his lovemaking techniques, or his prowess as a lover.

Of course, that isn't what this book is about, but what it SHOULD be is a reliable depiction of the subject by an author who is up-front about her partiality or personal bias. It is clear now that Ms. Broadwell has been completely dishonest with her readers in this regard. This book in its current state is worthless: What has she hidden from the reader in order to protect her affair? Is this the work of an impartial recorder or of a love-struck paramour? Why doesn't she address his penchant for infidelity and dishonesty, when she obviously knew about it? Has she made up facts to make the General look good, or has she changed or omitted facts that would cast her lover in a bad...
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Worst fantasy novel ever

fun review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Boldtext Pew Bible: King James Version Boldtext Pew Bible: King James Version In all seriousness, this book could stand a better editor. The plot is meandering, at best, and major characters lack any real motivation, and worse yet, will vanish for huge swaths of time with no explanation. The author is also guilty of constantly writing himself into corners and needing to employ dues ex machinas to repair his faulty story.

I would suggest readers instead look into other popular fantasy stories, such as George R.R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, or even the classic stand by, The Lord of the Rings.
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Another misread title

hilarious review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Images You Should Not Masturbate To Images You Should Not Masturbate To I found a copy of this book at a yard sale. Unknown to me at the time someone had spilled either whiteout or white paint on the cover obscuring the word "Not". After hiding the book inside the dust jacket of Gay Teen Ideas (another misleading book, also available through Amazon) and purchasing it. I was able to haggle the price from fifty cents down to 25 cents, which also appealed to me. After taking it home and enjoying several of the pages, some more than once. And buy the time I 'read' 3/4's of the book I had an unfortunate aiming problem and was forced to purchase another copy. I entered the ISBN on this website, and that is when I discovered my mistake in reading the book title. Since... more

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Full of heart and inconsistencies!

witty review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Ice by Ice: The Vanilla Ice Story in His Own Words Ice by Ice: The Vanilla Ice Story in His Own Words This may be the greatest book ever ghostwritten! From Ice's humble and confusing origins in either Miami, Detroit, or that other town that one kid in your class had always heard he was REALLY from, Ice's story goes from Robert Van Winkle's to riches, yep yep! Marvel at the amount of hairspray Ice takes on tour with him! Read about the origin of his hairstyle, 'THE BEAK', then read some more about how he'll just put on a hat if it isn't '100% perfect'. Last but not least, use a calculator and complicated mathematical system to try and determine how he can have 'about 400 trophies for dirtbike... more

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A life changing experience for all

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification The Stray Shopping Carts of Eastern North America: A Guide to Field Identification I can not tell you how much peace of mind this pulse-pounding, excitingly accurate, and wonderfully narrated piece of suspense fiction has brought me. I first purchased this awesome tome because there always seems to be a shopping cart parked in front of my house. The neighborhood kids claim a 'bum' collects 'cans' in it, but the voices in my head are screaming that those alien infiltrators are just trying to cover their tracks. I digress from the main point, how awesome this book is. After reading this book the first thing that popped into my mind was "When are they going to make the movie?" I especially like that the author deliberately left room for a sequel. I mean, Western North America would be a logical point to jump to, but this author is so unconventional in his storytelling, you never know where he could go. Maybe the Japanese Field guide... more

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Like a community in a book. Thank you.

fun review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product How to Live with a Huge Penis How to Live with a Huge Penis Having the girth of a large shampoo bottle is allegedly a blessing... as long as you're not the one with the "gift". Guys think they want one. Women think they want it given to them. However, my psyche is scarred (and confused) from the howls I've heard after I drop trou. Are they scared? Turned on? Is there a monster behind me? No. The monster has always been in my pants. Only now, after reading this wonderful book have I been able to make peace with my piece. more

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Unnecessary for those who have a face like a dropped meat pie

amusing review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!! Birth Control is Sinful in the Christian Marriages and also Robbing God of Priesthood Children!! Despite being written entirely in BLOCK CAPITALS, this self-published work conveys its message elegantly. In fact, you don't even need to read it to understand the main argument being put forward.

True, by avoiding this book you will miss out on the precise location of the heretical surfboard worshipped by the British royal family and the sinister significance of Abe Lincoln's unholy quadrille. You will also miss out on the explanation of why the Hairy-Eared Dwarf Lemur is really God's own tree-dwelling angel-on-earth and on the coded instructions showing how to grow a prize-winning mushroom, which the author cunningly gleaned from a close textural analysis of St. Paul's third birthday card to the Corinthians.

That aside, my big problem with this book is that the 'birth control is sinful' message is difficult for...
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Essential reading

clever review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product That's Not Your Mommy Anymore: A Zombie Tale That's Not Your Mommy Anymore: A Zombie Tale Something every child should know. How to deal with it when a family member succomes to the comming zombie plague. The government denys that such a disease exists so we know that it is coming soon. more

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False Advertising

funny review by in Books, 2014-02-08

Funny product The Faggiest Vampire The Faggiest Vampire I was incredibly disappointed when I found out that this was a book by Carlton Mellick III and not the newest installment in the Twilight Saga. The title is incredibly misleading. more

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