Holy Crap This Is Awesome

funny review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-03-07

Funny product Red Dragon VT 3-30 C 500,000 BTU Heavy Duty Propane Vapor Torch Kit Red Dragon VT 3-30 C 500,000 BTU Heavy Duty Propane Vapor Torch Kit I bought this thing while I was camping. Our firewood was a bit damp and I was having trouble getting the campfire started. With this handy-dandy roaster, I had a bonfire within a minute or so. Then, I decided to use it on the weeds at home. The instructions warn against using the torch near conifers (like Evergreen-type shrubs, bushes, topiaries), so I stayed about 5 feet away from those. Well, this thing is hotter than the blazes of Hell and Damnation itself! I roasted a few of my bushes, but thankfully, they've started to come back. We just had a few inches of snow here in Chicago and I drove over it in the driveway. I ended up with icy patches of packed snow and figured I'd pull out Satan's air conditioner. Not only did it melt those ice patches faster than a hooker drops her panties, it melted a five foot section of snow (about 3 inches deep) in front of the nozzle. Well, after that, I just had to screw around with it. I cooked a frozen hot-dog in less than 30... more

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Did not receive what I was expecting.

fun review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-02-08

Funny product Orcon LB-C4500 Live Ladybugs, 4,500 Count Orcon LB-C4500 Live Ladybugs, 4,500 Count Order information:
I was impressed with the quick delivery of my order. The ladybugs arrived in a vacuum sealed bag two days after I ordered them. They appeared healthy.

I was in desperate need for 3800 live ladybugs, but the only supplier on amazon decided to sell them in boxes of 4500. I did not want to wait for my necessary quantity to go up for sale, so I was forced to order what was available.

As soon as I received them, I wanted to verify I received what I paid for. I was upset after spending 13 hours counting them when I realized I had actually only received 4491 ladybugs. Seeing as I paid (...) per ladybug, I'm pretty upset about not receiving my complete order. Then again, I only need 3800.

I quickly released the extra 691 ladybugs out my front door. Seeing as it's 14 degrees out, they didn't make it very far.

Now on to my...
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Had a ball

hilarious review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-02-08

Funny product Matrix Zorb Cold Weather Human Hamster Ball Zorb Inflatable 3M Industrial TPU Matrix Zorb Cold Weather Human Hamster Ball Zorb Inflatable 3M Industrial TPU When Brad asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said "jet pack," just like I have for the past four years. Now, Brad thinks I'm too far into my "Golden Years" to strap on any kind of propulsion unit, so each year his gifts have been disappointing: A bow-tie. A snuggie. Gel insoles.

Imagine my delight when I came home to the ZORB HUMAN HAMSTER BALL in our back yard. "Not as good a jet pack," Brad noted, shrugging. "But safer."

Brad was a bit winded after blowing it up for six hours (I recommend an air pump), so we left it inflated. We strapped it to our car roof using the 120 left-over bungee cords from our home bungee jumping kit (I would NOT recommend this product). We then drove up to the Hollywood Hills sign for a test roll.

To my embarrassment, the first thing that happened was I got stuck halfway in, my legs wiggling on the outside. Brad enlisted some startled Korean tourists, who...
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Good and bad...

witty review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-02-08

Funny product Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz This product gets three stars and here's why:

Good: This is soooooooo much easier than trying to get the Wolf Urine directly from a Wolf. Wolves are, from my experience, VERY possessive of their urine. Until the advent of the The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee (which acts to calm the wolves) let's just say vicious bites and deep lacerations were the norm when trying to "milk" the wolves of their urine (how else can you get it?). Even with the The Mountain Men's Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee it was never easy. This product had changed all of that!

Bad: As a lure...
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One for the cellar

funny review by in Patio, Lawn & Garden, 2014-02-08

Funny product Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz Wolf Urine Lure-32 oz One is immediately drawn to this vintage by the colour, which is an elegant, pale straw hue with an appealing peachy fruit on the nose. It has an incredibly effervescent bead -- the whole glass teams with bubbles -- culminating in a frothy layer at the head.

The palate has panache, with a firm, mineral acidity that cuts through a rather elegantly styled, poised meaty presence. As with most Chateau Deerbuster products, this has the signature leafy-fresh character, which softens into a slight rancid feel towards the end.

Even though it has a...
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